This week’s guest boldly approaches a topic that is often taboo in many families and cultures. Abbe Large, a managing director at Lenox Advisors, discusses how shame and silence often pervade conversations about finances. She talks about the underlying causes and how we can start normalizing healthy, open conversations about money, especially with our children and partners.
Many of us have dreams—like writing a book—but often feel unsure about investing time or money in our goals. We explore, from a financial planning perspective, how we can intentionally invest in ourselves, and some practical tips to save and invest toward those goals. Abbe breaks down the three financial phases—accumulation, distribution, and preservation—by showing what each looks like in real life and why it’s important to plan intentionally for each phase.
Abbe F. Large, CLU®, CLTC, has three decades of experience dedicating herself to her clients’ best interests. Specializing in financial, estate, and retirement services, she also assists corporate clients with strategic employee benefits. She was named on Forbes Top Financial Security Professionals in both 2022, 2023, and 2024. A devoted family woman and active community member, she enjoys paddleboarding, skiing, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
Learn more about Abbe:
- Contact: alarge@lenoxadvisors.com
Book recommendation:
- The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, by Michael A. Singer
Follow me on:
- Instagram @stacyennis
- Facebook @stacyenniscreative
- YouTube @stacyennisauthor
To submit a question, email hello@stacyennis.com or visit http://stacyennis.com/contact and fill out the form on the page.
Rethinking marketing and redesigning life | Episode 202 Transcript
These transcripts were generated by robots, not writers.
Abbe: I find it interesting. There are a lot of women now that are out there and doing their thing and having the career and marrying people that support that decision. Having said that, it’s a decision that the both of you made, right? And when you do make decisions, you typically make them together. And the finances are pretty much top on the list. You know, your, your health, your children, their health, your house, your finances, all of these are top of mind, right? School, you make education decisions together for your children. You make medical decisions together for your children. Why is it so hard to make financial decisions together? And I think the answer is because people don’t understand it. What matters to you? Right? What is it about money that’s important to you? How were you raised with your parents, with money?
Abbe: Like, tell me about that. Money is a very powerful tool. And I say it’s a tool, right? It doesn’t provide, everyone knows it doesn’t provide happiness, love. Does it make things easier? Yes. Is it important to understand? Yes. Saving’s important. And talking about money with your spouse is important. Talking about money with your spouse in front of your children are important because then they’re going to grow up thinking, oh, this is normal, right? And I think most of the time the reason why people have such, such biases and issues or, I don’t know, stigma with the topic of money is because they were raised with their parents not talking about it.
Stacy: Welcome. Welcome. I’m really excited to be with you this week. Week and talk about money, wealth. It’s such an important topic. We haven’t talked about it that much on this podcast and this week’s guest is going to bring us some mindset shifts. It’s going to be a Great conversation. So let me introduce you to this week’s guest. Abbe F. Large clu. CLTC is a Managing Director at Lennox Advisors. With over three decades of experience dedicating herself to her clients best interests.
Stacy: Abbe’s personal experience with her father’s pancreatic cancer journey ingrained how important the products and services she provides to her clients truly work. Specializing in financial estate and retirement services, she also assists corporate clients with strategic employee benefits. She was named on Forbes top Financial Security professionals in both 2022, 2023 and 2024. A devoted family woman and active community member, she enjoys paddleboarding, skiing and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Welcome Abbe. I’m so glad to get to have this conversation with you.
Abbe: Well, thank you for having me, Stacy. Thank you.
Stacy: I would love to hear from you about your catalyst moment for the focus of your work because I know that you’ve had a long career in financial planning, wealth building and I know that you are really dedicated to educating women on money and really helping women build wealth. What inspired that?
Abbe: Wow, that’s a really good question and I’m glad you asked it because the force of me doing this happened a few years ago. Really. I, I got a phone call from a client of mine, a client’s wife actually, whom I never met because they were in another state. I’m in the east coast, this was down in Texas and I had met her husband decades ago during an enrollment and I, he bought a disability policy from me and then a large life insurance policy for me. Had a lot of children. I say nine children being accurate. Yeah, it was really something. We had a wonderful connection, a terrific relationship. But interestingly enough, before COVID you know, there was no zoom, there was, it wasn’t so for me to fly there and see them and it wasn’t often. Right. And I never really met her.
Abbe: I only had the relationship with him. And it dawned on me throughout my career that most of my relationships are with men because I’m in a male dominated industry. It’s Wall street executives, you know, now it’s most. Now a lot of women are getting into the finance. Well, a lot more women I should say. But back, you know, back in the 30 years ago, there were very few women in my business and there were very few women that I would see as well for clients. So fast forward, I get a phone call and this woman is hysterical, crying. I could tell she’s afraid and out of sorts completely and says to me, and I quote, this is so. And so my husband told me to call you if Anything happens to him, and he just died.
Abbe: I had a sudden heart attack on a business trip. And she was just. I mean, unhinged. And I had to cocoon her because she felt out of control. She had no idea where things were. She had no idea if she was able to stay in her home. She had no idea if she was able to send her remaining three children to college. She had no idea if she was able to live a long life monetarily, well, in retirement. No idea. And she had no idea where the paperwork was, the advisers, nothing. All she knew was my phone number. Well, clearly that was extremely complimentary of my client who passed away. However, what I realized in the moment was that’s on me, that she feels this. That is on me.
Abbe: And I took the responsibility and the accountability that I needed to take to change that for her. But it was this epiphany that there are so many other women out there that are going to be in this position that will feel the same way. And it’s now up to me to make sure that I change that. Because I. There. Listen, there are people out there that accept the things they can’t change, but I have to change the things I can’t accept. And I could not accept how she felt. And, you know, my friends, my, my colleague, all of these women that I’m surrounded with, I’m on this mission to make sure that they’re financially in the know, right? They have wills, they have healthcare proxies, power of attorneys. They have retirement accounts. They have, you know, they signed up for their benefits.
Abbe: They, they know the beneficiaries are correct. They know where the documents are. They know everybody’s password. They, I mean, like, all of these things, you don’t need to be in the weeds with it at all. And I think that’s what most men fear that their spouses will get. You know, they’re not interested in getting in the weeds. Well, that’s fine. You don’t need to get in the weeds. That’s my job. But, but it’s important that you know who I am, that you know where things are, that you know where to go. But most importantly, that you’re financially independent, right? Because a lot of women, they have, they don’t even have a checking account. I mean, I recently met a woman who, you know, three children, married, the whole thing, has nothing in her name. Like, doesn’t even say that. That’s not okay.
Abbe: It’s Just not okay anymore. So I’m on this mission to put it out there that women need to ask questions, they need to sit at the table, they need to know. They need to know. And it’s just not okay not to know anymore. Because one day it happens where you’re just sol and. And there’s nowhere to go. And then, and then, believe me, when money starts coming in from life insurance or other kinds of insurances, right, like there was a ton of money that came into this woman and let me tell you, that’s when everybody came out of the woodworks to try and manage her money. Right? Of course. That’s what everyone tried to do. Oh, you must have come in to so much money. Oh, oh, you know what? The behavior surrounding money is very interesting to me.
Abbe: And I needed to protect this woman. I needed, like I said before, cocoon her to make sure that she was making wise decisions. I had to give her language to tell people, just say, thank you so much for caring, but I have someone that I trust and I’m going to be okay. Again, thank you so much. Like, I had to give her language because she calls me just like, what do I do? What do I say? I don’t know what to do. And again, that’s just not okay. Women need to have a voice. Women need to feel empowered, they need to feel independent. They need to feel if some, if the ball drops, they’re going to be okay.
Stacy: I think that’s a really powerful message for anybody that’s female or male. That’s on the other side of the financial planning piece of the relationship. And I imagine the statistics are heavily weighted toward women being less involved in money. I know in our family it’s the other way around. And I think that, you know, and a lot of things where our gender roles are very flipped. My husband’s been a stay at home dad since My daughter was five months old. She’s 12 now. And so I’ve taken on a lot of the, almost like traditional male roles in our family. And he’s taken on a lot of the quote, unquote, traditional female roles. And I do think that it’s a challenge for families.
Stacy: Whichever one is the one that really manages the financial health of the family is sometimes it’s just easier to be the one that just takes care of stuff. But I know I think about this a lot. If something were to happen to me, I want to make sure that my husband knows where everything is and can access it. And you Know, there’s just so much that I do that and even as you’re talking, I’m running through this checklist of like, do I have it all? You know, I mean, it seems like having it really contained in a really easy to access place is so important and you’re already going through that grief. To have something that you can like go to, that’s already done is actually an act of love, I think for your partner.
Abbe: It’s an act of service. It’s, it’s, it’s, Yes, I completely agree with you. You know, it’s interesting. I, I, I, I am seeing a lot of gender role reverse reversals where the men are staying at home and taking care of the children. And let me tell you know, I have three children, I raised three children during my career. Both my husband and I worked. And I have to say I understand. I went to work just to get a little bit of a break. Right. Like, don’t get me wrong, I love my children to pieces, but I needed that balance. But I think I find it interesting there are a lot of women now that are out there and doing their thing and having the career and marrying people that support that decision. Having said that, it’s a decision that the both of you made.
Abbe: Right? And when you do make decisions, you typically make them together. And the finances are pretty much top on the list.
Stacy: Yeah, absolutely.
Abbe: You know, your health, your children, their health, your house, your finances, all of these are top of mind. Right? Right. School, you make education decisions together for your children, you make medical decisions together for your children. Why is it so hard to make financial decisions together? And I think the answer is because people don’t understand it. Right. And unfortunately there are a lot of bad actors out there and they come in and they try to impress you with all their jargon and knowledge and they do blah, blah, blah. And you lose the people, you just lose them instead of saying what matters to you. Right. What is it about money that’s important to you? How were you raised with your parents, with money? Like, tell me about that and just listen. And I think when you start to have that conversation together.
Abbe: And by the way, my fact finds my discovery calls with my clients, it’s non negotiable. Both of them have to be there. I will not do it separately because those questions open up a whole Pandora’s box of emotions and buried feelings about how they were raised with money. Money is a very powerful tool. And I say it’s a Tool, Right. It doesn’t provide, everyone knows it doesn’t provide happiness, love. Does it make things easier? Yes. Is it important to understand? Yes. You don’t need to get into the weeds, as I said before, with it, but you do need to understand that saving’s important and talking about money with your spouse is important. Talking about money with your spouse in front of your children are important because then they’re going to grow up thinking, oh, this is normal. Right?
Abbe: And I think most of the time the reason why people have such, such biases and issues or, I don’t know, stigma with the topic of money is because they were raised with their parents not talking about it ever in front of them. Right. It was taboo. And I think, you know, we, my husband and I, we always talked about finances in front of our children at dinner time in the car. It talked about investments, we talked about insurance, we talked about, you know, risk products, we talked about the markets, we talked about the political world that we’re in. We talk about it. Talk about what? Tax efficient tax efficiencies, planning. That means we talked about everything. Now, to be fair, both my husband and I are in finance. So.
Abbe: But, but having said that, I’ve been doing this now for so long that I’ve seen my children go from, you know, babies to, to independent young adults and I’ve watched them grow up in this financial environment and now they’re so responsible economically and it’s because of what we did. So now I’m able to talk about that and say, this works like this. It really worked. Right? And it wasn’t. And this is another thing. Money to us didn’t. We didn’t reward them with money. We gave them an allowance. The allowance was not tied to grades or chores or anything. It was just, this is your paycheck and you need to either save it, spend it, invest it, give it away. These are very important things to teach your children as they’re growing up. Abbe:
If they got a good grade, I would hug them and say, I am so proud of you. You must be so proud of yourself. I would shower them with love, not money. Because money does not buy love. Right? Money is a tool that needs to be learned. How to use and those four items, and I’ll repeat them, saving, spending, giving it away, investing. Four slots. And we had a little piggy bank that had four slots and we would give them, I don’t know, every month we’d give them their allowance and it would, it would get a little bit more every year as they get older. But we would always have that conversation. And it was interesting because then you got. Then you start to see their spending habits, right? Like my son’s a saver, My daughter’s the spender, My son’s the investor.
Abbe: Now it’s very interesting. Now they’re both talking about investing, they’re talking about credit, what credit cards give the most points and the most this and that. And they talk about the markets, they talk about what stock they’re choosing, when they’re going to sell, taxes. I mean, it’s really. You have to let them do that. And you only have 18 years. After 18 years, that’s it, your job’s done. They’re adults, they’re out of the house, they go off to college. So a lot of stuff has to happen under your roof. A lot of little mistakes have to happen, and failing needs to happen. Mistakes are where they learn. It’s where. And if you don’t fail at something, you’re not moving ahead. You’re not teaching those lessons. And they. It’s so important to have it under your roof. Right?
Abbe: So, yeah, I don’t know if I just went off on a tangent, but.
Stacy: And I was connecting. I was connecting in my mind to also our larger cultural lack of conversation about money. It’s. It’s amazing that you’ve started that in your home. And certainly, hopefully listeners will integrate some of these strategies in their homes if they’re not doing that already. But it had me thinking about one of the greatest things that I’ve done in my business is join a community where we talk really openly about money. We share our revenue, we share our expenses, we share our current balance and our bank account. Like, we have it all. It’s all on the spreadsheet that we share. And it’s a small, trustworthy community. But to have that very visible and that we talk about and to take away the. The emotional piece of it and really just get to talk openly is so powerful.
Stacy: It’s interesting, though, because I have very few personal relationships where I can talk openly about money. And it’s an acceptable topic. Right. And. Or that people want to talk about or, you know, it doesn’t come across as like, something that it’s not like, if you get a exciting opportunity in your business to be able to share that plus the figures around it. This is not something that we do in. It’s in our. In a polite culture. And I’m curious to know, in the work that you’re doing how do you help people normalize these conversations? Because I imagine that we’ve talked about the home being one place, we’ve talked about marital relationships and the lack of conversation that can lead to detrimental impact. We’ve talked about parent child relationships and maybe that’s the main piece that matters.
Stacy: But I’m just curious if you’ve worked beyond that or how do you think about these conversations in a more, in a way that can be healthy exchange of knowledge and learning. And I made this mistake. Let me share it with you so you don’t have to make that or I learned this thing that can help you.
Abbe: Well, there’s several different avenues you can go with that. First is you can find a financial advisor, AKA me to talk to. You’re right, it’s interesting. With friends, you know, you don’t talk about how much money you have, you don’t talk about your investments, you don’t do that. So I don’t advise it if it doesn’t feel right. I think you have to know your audience, right? You can go out to dinner with your friends and ask a very open ended question like what does money mean to you?
Stacy: Oh, I like that.
Abbe: And just have people talk and one thing will lead to the next and I think that’s a great way to start it. Or you can ask what is it about money that’s important to you? And then someone will say security. And then you can say, well, what is it about security that’s important to you? And then you can go, keep going down that, that, you know, that avenue. But I think if it’s an open ended conversation with your friends, you can sort of sit back and wait and see where that leads from. That open, that open ended question. It’s, it’s interesting. This question is really interesting because I’m in a financial world and most of my colleagues and my friends, they’re all mostly in finance. But I’m now thinking of the people who are not. And I worry about them because it’s weird.
Abbe: It’s like, it’s like a weird thing. It’s like a God forbid, if something happens, I’m responsible because I didn’t bring it up to them, you know, and I have that kind of guilt. And so I put it out there. I say, you know, listen, this is uncomfortable for me, but I really care about you and I want to hear about your fine. Like I want to know you’re okay. I can’t tell you how many I’m switching the topic just slightly because people talk about saving and investing and you know, all the sexy topics, but not a lot of people talk about protection. And protection is the most important thing before anything else because if somebody dies, if somebody becomes disabled or, and now we’re living with another financial risk which is longevity.
Abbe: And people are not planning, they’re not planning to live this long life and they run out of money. And so we’re. And, and people get, they get disabled, not disabled, they have long term care needs. The older you get. It’s not a matter of if it happens, it’s a matter of when it happens. And if you’re not planning for that, if you’re not, if your chill, if your adult children are not talking to you about that, it’s a big mistake because, and I’m in long term care mode in this moment because I want to put it out there, it is going to be a huge problem. Our country is not prepared for it, for people living too long and it’s becoming an epidemic and cognitive impairment is real. And who takes care of people like that?
Abbe: Their adult children who are by the way, also taking care of kids. So you’re in your sandwich years. And it’s so important to make sure that you have long term care insurance to cover the costs because it’s really expensive to take care of somebody. I also believe very strongly in making sure people have the right life insurance, the right kind of life insurance. There are so many kinds. And it’s very important to make sure you talk to someone who really understands this and can explain it in a way that you understand it. Because so many people don’t understand insurance. And you have agents that don’t. They just care about transactions. And it’s not about the transaction. It’s about developing transformable relationships, right?
Abbe: Transformational relationships that you can grow with that couple to make sure that their retirement is set in stone, that they’re taking care of their kids, education, their, you know, all of this, you know, everyday expenses, all of these. I can’t tell you how many people have no idea what their cash flow is like, their inflows, their outflows. So it’s not just about the sexy conversations that you can certainly have at a dinner table. But it is really, it’s about making sure you’re going to be okay if, excuse my expression, hits the fan.
Stacy: As it is want to do. Right? I mean it happens to all of.
Abbe: Us some point, it’s inevitable, right? There’s three things that can happen. You could either die prematurely, you become sick or injured or you could live a long life, one of them is going to happen. So it’s really important to protect and to plan. Then after that, of course, it’s important to save. And how you’re saving is that is a whole nother ball of wax, like how to save, where to save, what your risk tolerance is, everything that’s going on in the markets. It’s a very, it’s a very emotional topic, but one that I think is extremely important to discuss. I think I veered off your question, though, so I want to make sure I hit it. Did I?
Stacy: Yes, you did speak to it. And I actually, I think we have a nice segue into another question that I wanted to ask that this dovetails really nicely. I know that you talk about three financial phases and you mentioned those are accumulation, distribution and preservation. So maybe we can move into that because I really like the way that you lay this out. I think it’s really useful for our listeners to understand how to think about those phases of life.
Abbe: It’s interesting when people first start out of college, right, you’re in your 20s and they can’t even fathom what they’re going to be like at 60 or 70. Like, it’s not even in the realm, Right. So your work phase, your accumulation, you’re accumulating assets, you’re saving assets. That is a very long phase of life. It’s really long. Right. So it’s hard to imagine, okay, now what happens when I quote retire? And by the way, I hate the word retire. I like to say, you know, what’s your halftime report? What are you going to do for the second half of your life? What is your passion? Because I don’t know, you retire a car. I just don’t think you retire people.
Stacy: I don’t think I’m ever going to. I don’t actually see that in my future fully retiring. It just sounds so boring, you know, so boring.
Abbe: Maybe good for a week, but then boring. Yeah. So the accumulation phase is where, you know, you need to start setting up your, you know, all your investment accounts and your life insurance, your disability insurance. You need to write, have a will done, a health care proxy, a power of attorney, because by the way, to your listeners, once your kid turns 18, you got no say in their health. None. You got to make sure that they sign a HIPAA form to make sure that you can talk to doctors on their behalf. That’s really important. Once you own an asset, you have an estate, right. So a will and a health care proxy and power of Attorney are very important. Healthcare proxy.
Abbe: Who is going to take care of you if you cannot take care of yourself, if you cannot speak, if you can’t, who’s going to write a check for you, who’s going to pay your bills for you? That, that is the power of attorney. So these things are really important. What if somebody gets a ski accident, a car accident, Right. So you have to take care of those things first. But the accumulation phase is, it’s where you’re setting up all of those accounts and the risk and the investments. You’re having children, you’re working your butt off, you’re trying to get promoted. And also lifestyle creep comes in where you’re buying bigger houses and better cars and this and more things.
Abbe: And so people tend to get carried away and they forget, well, one day this kind of money is not going to be coming in and I’m going to have to start taking it out. Well, as you’re accumulating, there are certain risks that happen. It’s called systematic risk, market risk, inflation risk, tax risk. Those are the systematic risks that are there. There’s all sorts of other risks. Right. But when and when you’re investing money, it’s very interesting because when you turn the, when you turn over to the distribution phase, now you’re not earning that paycheck and now you want to take money out. And taking money out is way more dangerous than putting it in. Because if you’re taking money out in a down market, you could just wreck, decimate your savings, right? So it’s kind of like climbing Mount Everest, right? Abbe:
You plan, you get all the tools, you plan your path. You kind of have to pivot sometimes and take a new path. You chart it up there, you get to the top and it’s more dangerous coming down. So it’s kind of like, it’s a metaphor for this life and money and saving and responsibility and risk products and all those things. Because when you start to take money out, there’s one major thing that’s missing, that’s new money going in. So the distribution phase, it’s not really about asset allocation because during the accumulation phase, yes, it’s about asset allocation, but during the distribution phase, it’s not just about allocation, but asset location. Where am I going to take money out? There should be three buckets. During the accumulation phase, you’re setting up your taxable investments, your tax deferred investments and your tax free investments.
Abbe: During distribution phase, when you’re taking money out, you have to figure out where. Which bucket am I going to take that out from? So if you have a down market, for example, you want to leave your taxable investments invested in the market, maybe you take something out from your Roth IRA or a whole life policy which is tax free and not touched by those market downturns. So these are things that are discussed when people come to meet with me, right? The accumulation, distribution, and then there’s the preservation phase of your life where, okay, I’ve built all these assets and I would like to pass them down and I don’t want to have to pay estate taxes because during my life I’ve paid hefty income taxes, capital gains taxes, but now I’m going to pay an estate tax. Well, that’s not cool.
Abbe: Let’s do some planning. And so you need to do some estate tax planning. And that is also something that I talk about with my clients. So when you’re in the accumulation phase of your life, it’s very important to think about the distribution and preservation phase. And if you’re buying products, make sure they make sense for the long haul, not just for in the moment. Because here’s what happens. And I’ve seen this in my 30 plus years of doing this, right? You got people in your 20s that just focus on this. And I’ll just take insurance, for example. They’ll buy term insurance because that’s what people do. It’s cheap, it’s easy, it’s great and it works. And it’s great for the accumulation phase, but it’s not great for the distribution or the preservation phase because it expires, it ends, it’s over.
Abbe: But people think, I don’t need it anymore because I am self funded. I don’t need it anymore, right? I have enough assets. Okay, well, if you have enough assets, that means you’re going to have an estate tax, you’re going to, and buying life insurance for an estate tax is actually pennies on the dollar. So. And that’s just one example. Right? So I’m just saying when people are in the accumulation phase and they’re working their butts off trying to save and invest and do all these things and build their families and build their future, it’s important to understand the distribution phase and the preservation phase when you’re making the decisions, the financial decisions in the moment, during the accumulation phase. That makes sense.
Stacy: Yes, it does. And it’s helpful to think about it this way because then for those listening in the accumulation phase. Hopefully it’s got their wheels turning on how to think more long term. I certainly can relate to that. In my 20s it was like, oh, what are you talking about? Everything’s going to be fine. And it’s just hard to really think long term in that way. I want to drill into a different part of financial planning and this is. I’d be curious if you’ve gotten this question before, but it’s something that I was thinking about as were preparing for this conversation and especially related to women and money. I meet a lot of people who have dreams that they want to invest in.
Stacy: So obviously in my work as a book coach, that can look like writing a book and that will require time, energy and money investment for coaching, for publishing, for all those pieces. Other people have different goals that they want to work for, work toward that require financial investment. Or maybe they just have something they would like to purchase that is, has no practical use, but is something that they really desire. How do you think about that side of self investment, of pleasure of those components of financial planning when you’re also thinking about the big picture?
Abbe: Well, remember when I said about those saving, spending, investing, giving it away. There should be another slot for adults. Fun. It’s your funny money. I think everyone should have a funny money account just to keep putting money in there, Keep putting it in there. It could be it’s a funny money account for stocks that you love and you have fun with that. A lot of people think it’s kind of like gambling, right? It’s fun. And maybe some people just like to buy clothes and they just set aside some money. It’s a funny money account and it’s so that you can have fun. And I don’t think people should discount it because life should be fun. It shouldn’t be so stressful. It shouldn’t be so work, work, work. That’s why people go on vacation, right? I mean, you have to save for vacation.
Abbe: But there should be a funny money account. And I think that has to be part of the equation when you’re saving money as well, that there should be something allocated. Listen, a lot of people, like I said before, they don’t know their cash flow. They don’t know the inflows and the outflows of money. And it’s very important to understand that. So setting up a cash flow worksheet for your household, have your kids look at it, have everyone look at it and see what’s coming in, what’s going out, and maybe it’s a Conversation you’re having at the dinner table about, well, do you really need that? These things. See, this is what I’m talking about with the kids. When you involve the kids with those kinds of conversations, it’s really interesting how they think.
Abbe: Some of the things that they say, you find out what their spending habits are, you find out what yours are, and you’re having this conversation in a very loving, safe environment. I think that’s pretty cool. You know, someone can say, I, I, I really, I would love to buy a pair of shoes, for example. A really expensive pair of shoes. Is it necessary? No. Is it important to you? Yes. Do I have the money? I don’t know. Let’s see. Let’s work for it. Maybe set little goals for yourself.
Stacy: Yeah, and I love that in relation to purchases. But I’m also thinking a layer deeper. And this connects to our earlier conversation about women and money. Something that I’ve noticed on a lot of calls that I’ve had with potential clients, people that want to write a book. This is not universally true, but this happens a lot. We’ll have the conversation. The women will say, I want to talk with my husband. I really want to work with you, but let me just talk with my husband and then I’ll come back. The men will say, I’m in, send me the agreement, like, I’m good. And it’s something that I’ve noticed. I’ve observed that a lot of women have a really hard time investing in themselves. And I hear this articulated a lot.
Stacy: So I am talking about, you know, it’s nice to plan for those purchases and have those feel good purchases. But what about deeper investments in yourself for your personal growth, for your goals? Maybe you want to do an mba. Maybe you have, you want to be a pilot and you’d love to take flying lessons. I mean, I don’t know what that is for our listeners, but how do you think about that? Kind of deeper, like soul fulfillment planning and part of your financial strategy? Abbe:
I think people just need to decide if you want to. I’ll tell you a story. When I was growing up, my mother wanted to go to nursing school and we had no money. So she decided to board dogs for money.
Stacy: That’s very creative. That’s a very creative strategy.
Abbe: Board dogs. And there were no cages. Like we lived with the dogs. The dogs did not live with us. And during Thanksgiving and Christmas, we used to have, I don’t know, over 20 dogs in our house. I still remember their names. And each one had a personality and this and that and so forth. But I also remember my mother studying her butt off and then graduating and getting that degree. So I don’t know. I’ve always. It kind of taught me, like, if it’s gonna be, it’s up to me. And it. It ingrained it in me. If I need more money, I need to get another job, if I want to buy something that I can’t afford, I have to save for it. I don’t know.
Abbe: I think if I want to go back to college because I want to be educated in something that I’m craving to be educated in, then you should just decide and create the goal and tell everybody what your goal is. Write it down, put it on the refrigerator and do it. And I always make it a habit to do one thing every day that scares the crap out of me. So I would empower people to just make a decision that scares you a little bit. Write it down, tell people so that they can hold you accountable. Because if you don’t say it out loud, it’s not. You have to put it out in the world. And I think if you put anything out in the world and every day you look at it and you think about it’s going to happen.
Abbe: You just need to decide. You can’t just talk about it in your head.
Stacy: And I imagine that it becomes part of those money conversations, right? If this is something that you have a decision about that you really truly want to do, that becomes part of your planning and how you’re thinking about your investment in yourself. I guess, you know what. What brought this up is just that obviously it’s so important. Everything that you’re talking about, so critical, and the way that you’re talking about it, you know, all these things that we do to protect. To protect our. Our. Our loved ones, ourselves, they’re so important. And also that investment in ourselves as a human being along the way, I think it can get. You can kind of go either way with money. You can check out and, you know, hope it all works out at the end, which certainly is what a lot of people decide to do.
Stacy: You can be moderate about it, and you can do all the things you’re talking about, but also not like, obsess and I think almost like starve yourself of enjoyment, or you can go almost too extreme where you don’t have any time with your loved ones. You don’t make investments in yourself, and you’re so focused on that financial. Almost like the accumulation stage goes way too long, right? Like, you don’t move into those next stages. And I like what you said about that. That pronouncement, like, I’m doing this thing, lookout world, it’s happening. But then that becomes a thing that you own and you’re committed to, and then you have to figure out how to make that work with all the other stuff that you want to accomplish financially, relationally, all of it.
Abbe: I made it a goal last year. It was very intentional to be in the moment. It’s not easy. It’s not easy. And I had my best year ever. And then this year came along, and I forgot to be in the moment. And I wasn’t having fun, and I wasn’t. I don’t know, I just. I felt like in a funk. And I thought, wait a second. What’s different here? What am I doing differently? And then it dawned on me. Oh, my God, I’m not being in the moment. And then once I out loud said it and put it out in the universe, I need to be in the moment. And I started talking about it with other people. It was this intentionality that worked. I don’t know. Half the time, I don’t even know what day it is. I’m so in the moment.
Abbe: But there’s something to be said about receiving the world as it’s happening and being in a conversation without thinking about what are you going to say next, and just trusting that the words that come out of your mouth are going to make sense, you know, and. And you’re going to have that feeling of calm. There’s this undeniable feeling of calm that I have when I’m intentionally in the moment. And of course, you know, they say do it for 21 days in a row. It becomes a habit, but kind of it does and it doesn’t. I have to remind myself a lot to be in the moment. And I would say that to all of your listeners, like, try. People have so much stress and anxiety and worry, and it’s this energy that they put out. It’s not good. It’s not good for them.
Abbe: And if you’re in the moment, the energy shifts. And if you’re around someone that’s giving the bad energy, you know, to exit, that’s like, whoa.
Stacy: Yes.
Abbe: Just exit and. Or say nothing. And that’s another thing that I’ve done. I’ve said a lot less, I’ve listened a lot more, and I’ve said a lot less. And if. If you. There’s a book that I read, it’s called the Untethered Soul. I forget who it’s by. But it’s called the Untethered Soul, and it’s a book about imposter syndrome and stress and anxiety and all those things and. And happiness. And here’s what was interesting. The last chapter was about death, and it would. And it basically said, if you’re doing things in your life that you feel like you’re missing or like, oh, I need to do that, but like, jump out of an airplane or, you know, go on a safari adventure, all these things that. That’s why people are afraid to die, is because they feel like they’re.
Abbe: There’s too much life to live. But if you’re living your life in the moment and you’re happy and you’re doing what you want to do, dying is not fearful. It’s just not. And so it just blew me away, that last chapter. So, of course, I talk about life insurance all the time because it’s part of what I do. So I think about death a lot. I talk about death. So it just. It really. It really threw me up against the wall with that concept of being in the moment and respecting the person that you’ve become, because a lot of people are stuck in the person that they were, if that makes any sense.
Stacy: Yeah, I love that. I love that message of being in the moment. And one strategy that a friend taught me a long time ago that I use when I need to kind of ground myself is I look for a detail to anchor to. So I do this a lot with my children. I’ll look at my son’s hair, and I’ll just look at the way his curls form on his hair or at his eyelashes. Those little things really help me ground. I hope that this is really useful for our listeners as they’re being more intentional in their own presence. You give us another great segue, which is my final question for you. This is the question I ask all of our guests. If you could recommend one book to listeners, one that has profoundly impacted your life, what would it be?
Stacy: I know you just shared one title.
Abbe: We did, yes. The Untethered Soul. Let me look this up. Who’s this by? I forget. I would also say the Untethered Soul. That really changed my life. Michael a singer.
Stacy: Yeah. I’ve heard a couple of people mention that book, and it seems like a really impactful read.
Abbe: Oh, it blew my mind. It changed my life. Really did. In fact, I feel like I. Sometimes I feel like I need to read it again. Because you go back into the bad habits, right? It’s hard to break bad habits. It’s very hard. So when you find yourself slipping into that, you know, imposter syndrome, self doubt, stress, anxiety, that book, forget it. It’ll get you right out of it. It’s very good. And what it also gave me was this sense of gratefulness and gratitude is extremely underrated. It’s. Did I say that right? Is it underrated or overrated? Underrated. It’s underrated. People don’t talk about it enough. Gratitude. And that comes from being in the moment, by the way. I wanted to just tag on that. But yes, that would be the book I would recommend. It changed my life.
Stacy: Amazing. Thank you for that. And I’d love for you to share with our listeners where they can learn more about you, follow your work, connect with you. If they want to learn more about.
Abbe: Working with you, absolutely. Please connect with me on LinkedIn. Abbe. A B B E F as in Falk is my middle name large. Or they can send me an email alarge lenox advisors.com and that’s Lennox with one N Lenox A D V I S O R S dot com and I’m sure it’s going to be in your notes, but that’s where people can reach me.
Stacy: Yeah, well, absolutely. Be sure to put that in the show notes for listeners. Abbe, thank you so much for joining me today. I really enjoyed our conversation.
Abbe: Thank you, Stacy. They were amazing questions. Thanks for having me.
Stacy: Such a pleasure. And thank you to you, our listeners, our viewers, for being with us. I hope that this has really impacted you, given you some new ways to think about money, wealth, being a woman in the world and all the things that we have to think about and even overcome in our financial planning. I want to thank, as always, Rita Dominguez for her production of this fine podcast. She is truly the reason you are listening to this or watching it right now. She does everything other than be me. And I am extremely grateful. And if you are, well, you must still be listening to this. Please take a moment to rate and review this podcast. It truly makes a difference in helping me reach more listeners. Listeners with the message of living a life that’s not just better, but beyond better.
Stacy: Plus, you’ll get notified about awesome new episodes with guests like Abbe. Thank you so much for being with us. And I will be back with you before you know it.
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