Have you ever dreamed of writing a book—but felt unsure where to start or how to actually make it happen? In this special episode of Beyond Better, originally recorded as a live on LinkedIn, I sit down with three incredible authors to take you behind the scenes of their journeys from idea to published book.
You’ll hear real, honest stories about how these authors overcame writing gremlins, built habits that fueled their success, and grew through the transformative process of becoming published authors.
Whether you’re in the early stages of dreaming about your book or deep in the writing process, this discussion will give you practical insights, encouragement, and the motivation to take action on your own author goals.
I hope you enjoy this conversation with the wonderful Hady Méndez, Kevin Hutchison, and Arivee Vargas.
Show notes:
- Learn more about Hady Méndez, author of Calladita No More
- Learn more about Kevin Hutchison, author of Alchemy From Ashes
- Learn more about Arivee Vargas, author of Rise Up
- Learn more about my Idea-to-Draft program
Follow me on:
- Instagram @stacyennis
- Facebook @stacyenniscreative
- YouTube @stacyennisauthor
To submit a question, email hello@stacyennis.com or visit stacyennis.com/contact and fill out the form on the page.
Author Panel | BTS on how these authors did it | Episode 220 Transcript
These transcripts were generated by robots, not writers.
Stacy: Welcome, welcome. I’m so excited to be here with three amazing authors and to be with those of you who are tuning in live. Let me give you a little introduction to what we will be talking about today on this author panel. This author panel is all about behind the scenes on how these authors that are joining us today went from idea all the way to published books. We all know that writing a book is a big dream and for many it’s a lifelong goal and yet so many people don’t take action and realize that dream. So I’m really excited to share some authors who have done it, who have taken the action and made their dream a reality and are published authors today. Here’s what we’re going to dive into Today.
Stacy: We will have a behind the scenes conversation with these authors who have turned their big ideas into published books.
Hady: These authors are also here because I am in the midst of enrolling for my group coaching program Idea to Draft. This is a six month program where I guide authors through that transformative journey of authorhood.
Stacy: I’ll be sure to drop a link in the chat for you or in the comments, but before we jump in, I want to introduce you to the incredible authors who are with us today. And I will start off with Hady . Hady Mendez is An Amazon Best selling author, proud Puerto Rican and leadership coach based in New York. As the founder of Boldly Speaking, llc, she empowers underestimated employees to self advocate, self promote and step into leadership roles. Recognized as a LinkedIn top coaching and mentoring voice, her thought leadership has been featured in Business Insider, We All Grow Latina and by organizations including Lean in Latinas and Elevate Network. Hady, welcome.
Hady: Hi Stacy, thanks for having me.
Stacy: I’m so glad to have you here. Thanks for joining me. Next I will intro Kevin Hutchison is a marketing professional, former pastor, and the author of Alchemy From Bringing My Shattered Faith, Mental Health and Sexuality into Wholeness whose talent and expertise has been leveraged in both profit and not for profit organizations. He has worked for national and global agencies, held tenure in communications from a Midwestern megachurch, and has served on boards such as the American Marketing association and Respect, an education and theater based anti bullying nonprofit. Welcome Kevin.
Kevin: Thank you so much. It’s great to be here Stacy. It’s been a beautiful journey and I honored to be able to share some of it today.
Stacy: Oh I can’t wait to get to dive in and for you to get to share more of your journey. And last but never least is Arivee Vargas. Arivee is an award winning executive coach, the best selling author of youf Time to Rise and the host of the Humble Rising podcast. A former lawyer and corporate executive, she helps high achieving leaders grow with authenticity, purpose and impact. A proud first gen Latina mom of three and Boston College alum, she’s been named a top coach in Boston for three years running. Welcome Aruvi.
Arivee: Thanks Stacy. I’m so excited to be here and for this conversation with these lovely people.
Stacy:Yay. I am so excited too. And why don’t we just start out with you since I already have you pinned and highlighted. I would love to start out with your vision and how this is book that you wrote fit into your big vision for impact both personally and professionally.
Arivee: So writing this book, Writing your Time to Rise was really about scaling impact in my coaching business and when I have speaking engagements, I can only really reach people if you’re in the room with me or if you’re on a call with me. And with this book I really wanted to reach women in particular women of color, women who are of color and mothers. Right. That really was a target audience for my book, although so many people benefit from it, but that really was the audience that I was speaking to and writing for. I really wanted them to have this type of book even Though they could never meet with me one one or be in a room with me when I was speaking.
Arivee: Because for me, they still deserve to have all the tools, the frameworks to move beyond the crossroads and inflection points or stuckness that they’re in. And for me, wanting to teach them, how can you start to live your life on your own terms? Because that for me, is about self leadership. And so the book is also a massive expression and manifestation of my purpose.
Stacy: Right.
Arivee: Because I’m here on this earth to help people live full, rich, really rich. When I say rich, I mean emotionally, mentally, spiritually rich. Purposeful lives that reflect who they really are and what they want deep inside versus the expectations that we’re told we’re supposed to want. So the book was really about that impact and an expression of my purpose. And part of my purpose is also motherhood. And I wanted to leave something for my children to show them that, hey, you know, I’ve been through all of these things. People go through these things and. And, you know, you don’t have to carry everything I carried. You get to design your life a little differently, and you can always redesign it. You have that power.
Stacy: One of the things that you. Well, there are two things that struck me. One is that idea of scaling so that more people can get your message. But the other piece is this generosity of spirit in how you wrote the book. And I think that’s really important because a lot of people can be so afraid of, like, they think, oh, I’m going to give everything away. And then I, like, I won’t have a business or I won’t have anything to offer. But I never saw that in you when you were working on your book. It was always very much a, like, I’m here. This book is an act of service, and I want people to have entire experience in it. I’m not like, holding back so that they have to, like, come through some gates to get it.
Arivee: Yeah, that was part of the. I think that was part of the evolution, though, Stacy, when were working together, right. Is to know that actually in the coaching, you know, in the coaching world, it’s about really execution. It’s. It’s. People sometimes know what they want, sometimes they don’t. But if they do, it’s about how do I actually do the thing that I say I want to do? So that was part of it is knowing that I. There was still a place for that. There’s still a place for people who. They just want to read and they want to learn through that process, and that’s totally okay. And I wanted to provide that opportunity.
Stacy: Thank you, Arivee. I’ll come to you next. Hady, I’d love to hear about your vision and mission behind your book and how that really connected to your, like, how this book connected to your big vision of impact that you want to have.
Hady: Yeah, I really liked your story, so thanks for sharing it. That was really powerful, and it kind of reminds me of my own. I think I also am, you know, wrote the book for impact, for greater impact. I work most closely. Like, my ideal client is someone who is underestimated. Oftentimes that’s Latinas and women of color and a lot of other people, by the way. But I wrote the book with Latinas and women of color in mind because I was sharing my lived experience, and that’s the way I identify. So I’m like, I wanted them. My primary goal was for them to feel seen, celebrated, and not feel alone. And I feel like I know how alone I felt, especially in the early parts of my journey, and how I was like. Like, no matter what I do, like, this ain’t working.
Hady: Like, this doesn’t seem to be moving in the direction that I needed to. That I’m hoping it would. That I. I expected that it would. And why isn’t it working? And why. What am I doing wrong? And how can I fix it? And how can I do it better? And so I spent so much time trying to fix myself, and when. When I discovered. What I discovered over time is that I didn’t necessarily need to fix myself, but I did need to do things a little differently. And so I wanted to share that wisdom, those valuable lessons that I. That I learned over time and with people so that they could have sort of a shortcut. And it’s like, okay, you don’t need to be 55 to, like, realize these things. You can realize them sooner.
Hady: You can start to apply the lessons sooner, and you can benefit from them sooner. So hopefully my. My hope and expectation is that more Latinas feel empowered in the workplace, that they feel seen and celebrated and that. That they feel like, you know, their voice matters, that they can take up space, that they can own the room, that they can contribute and. And that they deserve to be heard. So I really wanted my. All of that for my readers. And that was really the vision that I had in mind from day one. And I’m very excited. I don’t have, like, a lot of reviews yet, but the reviews that I’ve gotten, that’s what people Say they feel. So I’m like, like, almost literally, I’m like.
Hady: It’s like they read my book concept and I’m like, oh, my God, that’s what I said, like, a year ago. And people are saying that’s how the book has made them feel so far, so been really rewarding.
Stacy:Oh, thanks for sharing that, Hady . Well, first of all, I did peek at your review count, like, yesterday, I think, and you are doing phenomenal. So please know that you’ve. It’s been amazing to watch how well received your book is and how much you’re. The people that are reading it are, like, flocking to give reviews because it has been so impactful. Something that you mentioned that really stood out to me in what you shared is that you’re writing this book. It’s sharing your experience. But what a lot of times people think is that they have to be like, the very end of Expert. Top tip, everything has to be perfect to be able to go and give advice to somebody when actually you only need to be so many steps ahead of the person that you want to support.
Stacy: And sometimes being too far away can be a challenge when you’re writing. So I love how you took this lived experience. It’s almost like you can turn around to yourself, however many years ago and say, here’s what I wish I would have had, but now these other women get to have it.
Hady: Yeah, and I like that you said that because I actually say that in the book, too. So, like, at the very end in my last chapter, I’m like, just so you know, I’m still dealing with all this shit, too. Like, this is not like I have figured it all out. This is still very much, like, happening. Like, this still happens to me, and I already. And I experienced all of this, and I still have to go through this, but I’m better at recognizing when I’m in a situation and I’m like, oh, here’s a pattern. Here’s something that I’ve experienced before. Oh, I recognize when this person said this. Like, I’ve heard that before. I know how to respond to that.
Hady: So it’s not that I’m so much further ahead or that I’ve, like, solved it all, but I recognize some of the patterns, the behaviors, the things that people say, and I feel like I’m in a little bit of better position to respond to it in the moment and, you know. Yeah. And feel good about it. You know, feel good about the outcome.
Stacy: And you understand your reader. And I think that’s really powerful to come from that position. I’ll come to you, Kevin, now with the same question. I’d love to hear how this book that you wrote and shared with the world, how this connects to your bigger mission and purpose.
Kevin: Yes. And I want to say again, thank you for including me in this, and I love the energy in the room. This is absolutely beautiful. So thank you. As far as my book goes and thinking about the broader mission and vision, you know, I don’t think I even realized when I started the importance of what I was doing, not only for myself, but the broader impact it could have. But for me, this was such an important part of claiming my authenticity, living with authenticity, going through the additional steps of self acceptance.
Kevin: Some things that I didn’t even realize that this was just such an important part of it, because what it allowed me to do was to really crystallize in those three areas of faith, mental health, and sexuality what my experiences had been and how those could potentially apply to helping and encouraging others. But it. So it was something that, you know, as I. As I moved into it, I didn’t even realize it. And so it’s had a really profound impact on me because I lived so much of my life out of guilt, shame, fear. You know, those were the areas that I operated from and lived, you know, trying to make other people happy.
Kevin: You know, whether it was what, you know, religion told me to do or what other people expected, but not really, you know, going through the process and the work of figuring out who am I, what do I believe, what do I stand for? And so that has been an important part of the process of the development and the writing of this book. And then. And then I believe the impact that it’s having just based on the feedback that I’m getting from others. It’s. It’s touching people in many different areas. You know, my initial thought when I wrote it was I knew that there were a lot of other people like myself who are wrestling with either one or all of those three areas of their life. But it’s also family members. It’s also, you know, it’s so many people in midlife that are.
Kevin: That are lost and, you know, contemplating suicide. There’s just. There’s so many different audiences that this has spilled over to outside of what was originally in my mind that I’m, you know, I’m extremely grateful for. So my, you know, and my vision for this is, it’s, you know, that to have some of that impact, but also for it to be, you know, a calling card for me. And. And as I slowly build, I’m, you know, a phase of my life where I’m doing a couple of different things. And so I’m not doing the book and the speaking full time, but doors are very organically opening, which I’m very grateful for. And. And the book is. Has, you know, become a calling card and a platform and helping me to own my. In the.
Kevin: In the world, in this particular area of faith, sexuality, and mental health.
Stacy: I love how you shared, you know, this kind of expanding impact or, like, mindset around impact even with your book. Because I. A lot of times when I meet people that want to write a book, I hear similar scripts. It’s like, you know, I only expect really my family and my friends to read this book, or if I only touch one life, then it will be worth it, which is very noble. And I love that the heart coming into that. But I think that a lot of times it actually is connected to playing very small and not necessarily believing that a broader group of people will be excited to celebrate you, support you, and receive your work, this vulnerable work that you’re doing. So I’d be curious to hear a little bit from you about that kind of expanding mindset around your book.
Stacy: From I know I want to write this book to, holy cow, I know you had an amazing book launch. Like, wow, look at all these people that are excited to celebrate with me and look at the impact I’m making.
Kevin: Yes, yes. And I. And you’re exactly correct. Going into it, I, you know, I was a little more. Had a little more tunnel vision about who my audience might potentially be for this. But as I mentioned, and as you said, as I started to get feedback through the process, that’s what really helped me was going through, you know, the whole process that went through, a nonfiction book school was, you know, invaluable from beginning to end. And I couldn’t have done it without that. I have to say, it’s an amazing program and I highly recommend it to everyone.
Kevin: And as I moved through that and I was able to, you know, really lay out, you know, what my strategy was, what the chapters are going to be, how things were going to flow, and then began working on that, I started to get a glimmer of, you know, some of the broader audience. But what really happened for me is when I got to the beta reader portion and I incorporated the group of beta readers I used, there were individuals from all three of those areas, people that had interest or experience or expertise in one of the three areas of mental health, sexuality, or faith. And so then the feedback that came back to them was what really started to open my eyes, that they were like, oh, my goodness, this. This really spoke to me. And.
Kevin: And maybe not even necessarily directly in one of those areas, but there was something in it that resonated with them that they could relate to, that gave them an aha moment. I was like, oh, my goodness. You know, I didn’t even think about that. And then when I went through the editing process, same thing happened. A couple of the editors came back and said, oh, my goodness. They’re like, you. You know, I am a person who’s in midlife. I’m going. I’ve gone through a lot of transition. They shared some really deeply personal things with me and then. And said, you know what? Like this. It doesn’t matter whether you’re gay, straight, you know, married, divorced, whatever. Whatever the case may be. It’s like, there’s a message here for there, you know, when you’re going through.
Kevin: You’re lost and you’re in the midst of midlife, that there’s an opportunity to find hope and to remake yourself and to, you know, the. The best is yet to come. And. And so I was like, oh, my goodness. Wow. So it’s. It took. And I found that a lot through my whole journey, Stacy, is that, you know, the. The people that have been placed in my path along the way that have encouraged me and spoken into my life and. And yourself included in the whole program really helped to broaden my vision for my book and my audience. So I’m very grateful for that.
Stacy: I love that your beta readers also help you see the impact of your book. Let me give you one more question before I transition over, since I already have you. You shared that this process of coming to write the book and writing the book was very vulnerable. I’d love if you could give us just a little insight into any hesitations that you had before you said yes to the. The dress being the book.
Kevin: I had a lot of hesitations because it was deeply personal. It is deeply personal, and I have a lot of people in my life that I love and respect, and I wanted to, you know, proceed cautiously with some of the. The things that I shared and some of the stories that. That I told. However, as I. As I got into it, and initially my first draft was a little more. Was definitely a little more cautious, and. And so my hesitation was, how much do I share? Do you know, am I sharing too much? What’s going to beneficial what isn’t a fear of, you know, being that vulnerable and really putting myself out there.
Kevin: And so again, you know, credit to the program, the non fiction Book school, and then the editors that I worked with, because they really pushed me in that process where they were like, they asked great probing questions when they read through my manuscript and they said, you know what, we need to know more. I think you can go deeper here. And they’re like, we can always dial it back that let’s, you know, we want to hear what was really going on in your heart and mind during that time. So my hesitations really were around a fear, a vulnerability, and protecting others. And then also, was anyone really going to be interested in my story? That was my other hesitation.
Kevin: We tended to go back to that I’m like, oh, there’s a million books out there, but is anyone going to really be interested in my story? You know? And as I’ve come to find out, every book is so unique and we all have such a unique point of view on things and our experiences and our journeys are so different. So again, you know, kudos to the people that surrounded me and cheered me on along the way to keep going.
Stacy: Yes, thank you for sharing that, Kevin, and for sharing also your hesitations. Hady , I’m going to turn this over to. I also now have somebody in my house calling my name and I don’t know who it is, so I’m gonna give it to you and find out who is here and I will be right back.
Hady: Okay. You know this story already, Stacy , so we should be good. But so my hesitation, and some people might have heard this story before because I’ve shared it a number of times, but I actually took Stacy’s course as well. And I was probably about a month into Stacy’s course when the election happened last year. And so I already knew, like, what I wanted to write about my lived experience as a Latina for other Latinas and women of color, et cetera. And when the election results came in and we had like, the next time we had class, which was, you know, probably within a couple days of the election, I, like, showed up, you know, like, I don’t know if I could do this anymore. Like, this just doesn’t seem like the thing to do at this moment. Moment.
Hady: Like, there’s going to be so many other fish to fry, bigger issues in the world, so much turmoil. And it’s like, does my. Is my book going to be, like, needed in the middle of all of that? Is. Is this something that the world needs right now. And, you know, is this sort of the best use of my time? So I’m happy to say that in this course, which were at that point, I probably knew people about a month, maybe a month and a half, including Stacy. Every single body, every single person in the course, including Stacy, was like, no, you have to write the book now more than ever. Like, now this is it.
Hady: This is gonna be like, the thing that, you know, it’s like, yeah, like, it’s a little bit of an act of revolution, you know, like, not to, like, be dramatica, but, like, it is like, you know, this is how you fight narratives that are false narratives and untruths is like, you tell the truth and you talk about a real lived experience and you put it out there and.
Stacy:And you.
Hady: And you make people feel seen that otherwise are like, feel invisible or feel like their story doesn’t matter or their experiences don’t matter. So, like, people who were essentially just a step above strangers convinced me to write the book. So thank you, Stacy, and the course and the people in the course. I loved my cohort. We were a really beautiful group of people that came together, I guess, at the right time, it was the perfect people for the right time came together, and we. Everyone, like, really supported me and said, no, you have to keep going. And, you know, I really wanted to write the book. I was just, like, torn. And so I wrote the book. And then the timing. So then the timing is like, I scheduled it for Hispanic Heritage Month.
Hady: The start of Hispanic Heritage Month is when the book launched, which was 10 days ago. And I think that ended up being a really good plan, too, because this is a year where the Latino community is really under attack. Like, there’s just no other way to say it. And, you know, we’re. A lot of people are going in hiding for a variety of reasons. You know, some people kind of have to. And other people are just afraid and, you know, fearful.
Hady: And I think, you know, so the book is really making a powerful statement in a time where our community does need to be seen and heard and, like, you know, this is not the year for us, especially people who are privileged enough to, like, you know, if I’m a US Citizen and I’m fully documented and I don’t have anything really, quote unquote, to worry about, I need to be out here really front and center talking about our experiences getting people to not and not. You know, I wrote the book for Latinas and women of color, but I hope everybody reads it. Because it’s an opportunity to really learn what our experience is like and to like, show up for us in a better way. Like show up for us differently.
Hady: So I feel like at the end, I’m so happy that I didn’t listen to the little gremlins in my head saying, no, this is not the time. I’m glad that I rejected that. And instead I was surrounded by people that encouraged me to keep going and that I did, and that it launched when it did, and that it is, you know, a powerful tool for our community. And it’s also a celebration of the people. Like, I included Franes in the book. And for anyone who doesn’t know what a refrain is like a very special thing in the Latino culture is like sayings that we pass down generation to generation. And I really spotlight these refranes and I bring in our ancestors and the wisdom that they pass down to us. And so it’s a celebration of sorts.
Hady: And I’m glad that we’re getting to celebrate it during Hispanic Heritage Month. And I’m glad that the book is here and I’m glad it’s a bright ass book. So it’s not hiding in a. And like, it’s not that people are gonna not see it, they’re gonna see the book, they’re going to see this lady, she’s different. And I’m very happy and proud of that. So thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Stacy: I hadn’t thought about that conversation in a while, Hady .
Hady: But do you remember it though? Like, I was like, oh, my God, I don’t think I’m writing this.
Stacy: Yeah, I do. You know, the other thing that I notice about you, and this is true in your book, but it’s true also in other areas I’ve seen you, is you’re really good at making a decision and taking action. And like, you get things done. And I think that’s part of what has made you really successful on this journey because you’ve. You also trust yourself with your decision making and you trust that you make smart choices, you do your research, but you, when you know it’s right, you’re like, let’s go. I’m not gonna waste any more time. Let’s just go. And I think that’s. That’s unique actually, to have that ability to jump in like that. Maybe you, maybe this is something that you could offer for anybody that’s considering this journey.
Stacy: How you’ve been able to make such anchored decisions throughout Well, I write in.
Hady: The book, one of the chapters is about descubriendo your why, which is like discovering your why or your purpose. And I think. I believe that, you know, what you’re describing is because I’m very clear. I have the clarity of, like, my mission, my purpose, and my values. And I’m very anchored in that. So that allows me to make good decisions. And you did a post on LinkedIn. I don’t know. I saw it yesterday, but I don’t know when you actually wrote it, but it was about your principles and your values and being anchored in that. You know, I talk about in the book. It makes sense. Life decisions easier. It’s like, yes or no, is this aligned with my mission? Yes or no, is this. Does this somehow have, you know, compromised my values? Yes or no? Like, you know, usually it’s quite clear.
Hady: Occasionally it’s not. And I recognize that, like, sometimes it’s. There’s a little gray line and you’re like, but you do what you. The best you can, you know, make the best decision you can with the information you have. But I think being rooted in my values and purpose has been very helpful for me, and it helped me all along. My decision, you know, that I went with a publisher that is a certified B corp. And they are. Their whole mission is to amplify underrepresented voices. And, like, I was. As soon as I saw that list, it was very hard to even really consider other publishers because I was like, that is me. Like, that is what I would be looking for. If I was a publisher, that would be my purpose. If I was a publisher, that would be my mission.
Hady: So it’s like, it felt very realigned. And, you know, thank the. Thank the good Lord it was a good decision. They were a great partner. They really helped me. And they, you know, we. We. We were in sync the whole time. And we got to the finish line and we met all our dates, and they were a really good partner to me. So, yeah, and sometimes I take risks, y’.
Stacy:All.
Hady: I take big risks. You know, I, like, I wanted Latina editors, and I wasn’t convinced that anybody was going to get me the Latina editors that I really wanted. And I’m like, I need a Latina editor because I’m going to have Spanish in my book. And I went and got my own. And these, you know, they were. I was, like, a little bit worried. You know, I’m like, I don’t know for sure if this is going to end up being like, Fruitful for me. Is this going to be the best decision? Should I have gone with the editors that the publisher gave me? You know, like, is this going to, like, not work in my favor? So it does involve risk taking, but. But it is informed risk taking. It’s not like a loco, like, you know, crazy talk.
Hady: It’s like, you know, it like, you. You. You assess the facts you have in front of you, and then you’re like, okay, I think this is the best decision because it’s alignment with my values. And based on the information I see and I trust. I have. I use. I trust my gut. Thank you for acknowledging that. I do trust that I meet with somebody and I’m like, yes or no? And, you know, because you and I have talked about this. Do they pass the vibe check? Yes or no? And if it’s a no, it’s a wrap. And if it’s a yes, then I say, you know what? Let’s go. Let’s do this. You know, I feel it that this is going to be a good partnership. And, you know, maybe sometimes that comes with age, you know, so I’ll, like, acknowledge that.
Hady: That sometimes, you know, you get burned a little bit, and then you’re like, okay, I’m going to do it a little different, or I learn from my mistakes and I’ll try to do it a different way. But it has worked for me a lot of the time. Not always.
Stacy: It makes. It reminds me of the first time we met. I don’t know if it was, like, at the top of the conversation or it was pretty early. You were like, I’m just. You’re like, I’m just going to be straight with you. Like, I’m pretty much, like, in. But I just need to see if you pass the vibe check.
Hady: Yes, I know. And it was true. I was like, let’s not. Let’s just call a spade. Come on. That’s another, like, tool in my toolbox is being very direct. So I was just like, it sounds really good, and you come recommended, but I gotta make sure I like you know? And I did. Thankfully, I did. I don’t know, Stacy. You’re, like, amazing. I don’t think any of us can sing your praises enough. People who have the opportunity to take a course with you should consider themselves very lucky, very blessed, because you are not just a book coach. You’re so much more. And you have been such an amazing partner. And, like, I don’t know how to even describe you, but you’re a very generous person.
Hady: And I have always felt seen and supported by you, and I consider myself to be very blessed to have worked with you. So thank you.
Stacy: Thank you, Hady . That’s so generous to say. I really. Okay. All right. Thank you. Let me come to Arivee Next are out of the. Oh, let me get my. Get you pinned. There you are. Okay, so on this same general topic of hesitations or things that maybe held you back, I want to talk about mindset, which is perfect for you because you talk about this in your book, and I often call these your gremlins. And these show up as things like, what if no one reads this? What if they don’t. What if they read it and they don’t like it? Can I even write an entire book? Am I qualified to write this book? Sometimes it’s like you’re in the middle of a writing session. You’re like, what the heck am I even doing? Why am I doing this?
Stacy: I’d love to hear from you around your own self talk that you had to overcome during the writing process, and maybe you can share how you reframed that or share some tips with people who are dealing with some of that self talk.
Arivee: So, Stacy, you know these. You know my gremlins well, because we spend a lot of our time in our one ones working through my gremlins. And I would always tell people, Stacy’s not. It’s really. She’s not a book coach. She’s a mindset coach.
Stacy: She is a mindset coach because she.
Arivee: And then, you know, Stacy, what I love about you is you lead with curiosity always. And you. I never felt judged by you, and I felt like you were always a safe space. So I’m gonna double click on what Hady said about your generosity and how just incredible you are and how people should be run wanting to work with you if they want to get their message out into the world and be more fully expressed in that way. So all the gremlin thoughts that you mentioned are ones that I had at some point. But, you know, the biggest one was, this is not good enough. This is not good enough. This is not. This writing is not good enough. I mean, I have a whole chapter in my book called Self Worth is an Inside Job.
Arivee: Like, it’s so much part of my book is about enoughness and worthiness and what do we base that on? And so that’s to say that clearly, like, I’m on my own journey, right? And it doesn’t ever go fully away. I’m not just Like, I’m enough. I’m here and it’s great and fabulous and I have nothing to work on. No, no, no. But that thought of like, this isn’t good enough, this writing isn’t good enough. People are going to read this and be like, what is this? It was really difficult because I know what it’s based on. Like, I, I am a lawyer by training and writing is my thing. Like, that is what I am really good at. I know that I’m good at that.
Arivee: Writing legally is not the same as writing about yourself and writing about things that are deeply important to you and things that you really want to get across that is really meaningful to you. And so that was the challenge is because I felt so connected to the purpose behind the book. And what I was trying to say, that I kept telling myself this isn’t enough. Like, it needs more depth, it needs more this, it needs more that. And I know myself enough to know, like Hady was saying how she’s still working on things, but she knows when to recognize and when she needs to kind of make that shift. It’s similar here because I could recognize what I was doing and then I would say, yeah, I know I feel this way.
Arivee: I feel a lot of self doubt and I feel this incredible amount of resistance and feel like it’s not enough when I’m doing something really new and really challenging. And it means a lot to me. If it doesn’t mean a lot to me, I don’t care and I don’t feel that way. But if it really means a lot to me, I get, I can get really into my own gremlins. And what really helped me was one, talking it through, right? Always talking it through is helpful. People reminding you like, this is actually, this is really good. And people that you trust who would tell you the truth. But also, Stacy, one of the things that allowed me to just keep writing in an honest way was when you actually told me once, because there’s a lot of procrastination hacks out there, productivity hacks.
Arivee: And you were like, let me tell you. So you something like, listen, just get to your computer and start typing. I don’t care what you write, just I need you to move your fingers. And I was like, okay. And I didn’t. Every time I was able to just find a flow, you know, when I would sit down to write, we. I don’t. You may not talk about this in this session, but the, like, the writing schedule where like I Didn’t write every single day, but when I wrote, I had to commit to that time because I have three kids and I had a lot of things going on. So just getting to the laptop, I had an outline. But sometimes, you know, Stacy, with the outline, you’re like, I’m going in this direction now, so you just want to keep going.
Arivee: I remember that being really helpful is getting into action. And because you can remind yourself of your purpose, that’s helpful. But the action’s got to come, too. And sometimes you need to just get started, like, actually make the physical action of starting to type. That really helped me. The other thing I would say is to myself is, you’re meant to do this, you’re meant to do this. And understanding also the human psychology of, oh, you have these gremlins because you’re the person, the inner child inside of you who just wanted to be seen, who just wanted to be approved of and accepted. She’s telling you, don’t get disappointed. I don’t want you to fail so you don’t feel that way again. And I. I understood that. So that also helped me keep going because, like, oh, I’m writing this book for her, too.
Arivee: For her to know that it’s going to be okay, that even if it’s a flop, we did it, and, like, we’re going to be okay. We’ll figure it out. So that was a big part of it, but you were a very big part of helping me manage that, for sure.
Stacy: What was neat to see from my side is that all the things that you were teaching in your book, because it’s always a process. Right. You’re never fully arrived. You were able to confront those things in yourself and use your own tools to get through it, which was really interesting. Which was a great test, actually, for the book as you were writing it. Yeah.
Arivee: And it was. It was a reminder of. It’s a reminder that you can have all these thoughts and feelings about things, but you don’t have to have your actions be dictated by them all the time. And you get to decide. And that’s like the big thing about the book, right, Is that you get to decide, like, you have some power you may not have. I can’t change what’s going on in society. I can’t directly impact every single thing, but I can control this thing with my power, so what can I do? And I remember when I was. When I was writing the book feeling like that, Like, I have to role model this in the way that it has morphed for me today, right?
Arivee: Like my sense of what brings me enoughness and worthiness is very different today than it was 10 years ago, 20 years ago. So there’s like an evolution. So I always say, like this battle of like, not this isn’t good enough. It is an evolution and it morphs. The more to me, the more senior you get, the more life experience you have. It just morphs and evolves. And so you kind of may move past something and before, but now it shows up a little differently. And for me, it was writing the book.
Stacy: I love that. Also, I love getting older because aren’t we so much nicer sometimes?
Arivee: I’m like, now I really don’t care, okay? I really don’t care what you think.
Stacy: Like, I’ll keep the wisdom. I’m happy with that. Kevin, what about your gremlins as you were writing? I know we talked about some of the hesitations at the front end of this. We talked about also your, you know, like, how much do I share, how much do I not share? And confronting that. What was some of the self talk going on for you as you’re writing the draft?
Kevin: I, you know, had a lot of little gremlins running around in my head for sure. And they were everything from, you know, as I said, you know, not is my story worthy of, you know, of telling, you know, is it genuinely going to give someone hope and inspiration? Can I do it? Can I actually write that many words? That’s a lot of words to write. And I found there were times when I was questioning that. But, but again, going back to, you know, the, the process, the nonfiction book school, that’s what made it. I could, I couldn’t have done it without that because it broke it down.
Kevin: The process broke it down in such a way that, you know, I could see it, I could see this, you know, I had the strategy, I could see the chapters and in a very process oriented way and then bring it all together, which I couldn’t otherwise. Side note, the other thing I wanted to mention too, that was mentioned about you, Stacy , was that the difference, and this was a big part of fighting the gremlins that I had as well, was being in that group weekly, having that weekly accountability with the group made a lot of difference because I knew I was going to show up, were going to talk about what we had done or where were, you know, the challenges we might be facing, share some of where were at.
Kevin: So, you know, not only what we learned, but the accountability and then the work sessions were all such an important part to me in getting down that road. Because the, at the end of the day, it’s the relationship for me is what really helped me move things along. Having the relationship with the other authors and then having the relationship with you. Because as a book coach, you’re not just a book coach who’s out there just helping people write their books and get them out and get them published. I feel like you genuinely invest in the people that work with you and you have a genuine interest in their success. You want to know what happens. And that’s what I was so impressed with, the follow up.
Kevin: Because you work with so many people and you have so much going on and yet you take the time to reach out and say, like, how are you doing? Where are you at? You know, our. How are. You know, it’s just, it’s so meaningful. And, and like I said, I like the others, I would not have gotten this far in the process without you. So, so I’m very grateful. But. Yeah, but from a gremlin standpoint, those are probably my big ones. The self doubt, the, you know, the fear, the, you know, I had gremlins right up. I, I have to say, right up to the last moment when my publishing coach was pushing it out on Amazon. I did not sleep that night.
Arivee: I’m with you, Kevin.
Hady: Kevin.
Arivee: I’m with you. I’m with you.
Kevin: Yeah, it’s like you feel very exposed and very. Don’t you? Yes. Yeah. So thank goodness for all of you and for the group and for you, Stacy, because that helps, definitely.
Hady: For sure.
Stacy: I love that you bring up that. Well, first, thank you for all of the lovely words. I’m. I’m probably blushing a little bit on this live that we’re doing, but I love that you bring up the group meetings because one of the things that I love is that this is a really busy group. Like, everybody is in doing important stuff and, you know, flying places or even dropping kids off in the morning and everybody still shows up. I mean, with some few exceptions, we have mostly 100% attendance rate for people that are like, in it and committed. And so we have people that join from literally airplanes, not airports, airplanes. We have. I have somebody in a cohort right now that’s like just joining from the school, you know, because that’s what works and like the commitment.
Stacy: When you not only have made a commitment, but then all of these other people are showing up in a big way as well. There’s that commitment together that I think makes it even bigger. Like you have the shared accountability, which is really powerful.
Kevin: Yeah. And then the resources, Stacy too, that you to the table through the cohort. Those were just invaluable. That’s how I met, you know, one of my editors. That’s how I met my publishing coach. You know, they, you bring in the guest speakers, but also others to just come in and participate at different times. And so it broadens, you know, for someone coming in like myself who really had. I’d never written a book before, didn’t know a lot of people in the author world any of that, this really opened, that fully broadened my whole mindset. It broadened my worldview when it came to authorship and then the connections with the authors of people from all over the world. I mean it’s such a beautiful opportunity to connect with people and, and encourage one another. And so. Yeah.
Stacy: Yeah. That is pretty cool, isn’t it? Go for it. Hady, you’re up.
Hady: I wanted to add that Kevin, I think you alluded to this, but I just want to kind of like say it out loud. Is that I think the course, and I know we’re like maybe we like went took a U turn or took a left turn. But I wanted to say something because Kevin brought it up and I feel like it’s an important call out. Is that the course for me as a new author gave me language to speak to other people that were quote, unquote in the biz. Like, I just, you know, I didn’t know what. Oh, the developmental editor, a content editor, this proofreader, typesetting. I don’t know, just like random things. Like the manuscript is like what is a manuscript, dude? That’s like the first draft. But like, you know, like.
Hady: So anyway, just like I think like the vocabulary or like the terms that are industry wide terms and that are understood by people in the business. Like I think even just like getting that background was very helpful. So, you know, in addition to having the speakers and the guest speakers and everybody come in, I think just like understanding that so that when were talking to publishers or editors or illustrators or anybody that we like kind of knew what were talking about to some degree, I think that was very helpful. So I really appreciated that aspect of things too. That was a very practical. So there was all the emotional support that was like amazing and accountability.
Hady: But I think one very practical thing that I got out of the course was this, you know, just Learning the industry terms and being able to do, you know, speak like an author and ask questions. That sounded like I knew what I was talking about. So thank you.
Stacy: I mean, it makes you feel so much more confident, right when you’re going into a conversation. I was just remembering the first time I went to, like, an entrepreneurial gathering of any. Like, I don’t remember what it was, but I do remember people talking about OKRs and KPIs, and I was, like, so lost. I mean, I had no clue what anybody was talking about. And then I was like, am I an entrepreneur? I don’t know. I don’t know any of these words or any of this jargon. And so, you know, having that language. I often say that writing, like, entering the publishing industry is like learning a new language where, yes, you’re really having. Also, how does it all work? And like, using the. Also being able to communicate your needs to somebody in a clear way, I think is so important.
Stacy: So I love that you brought that up. While you’re here, Hady , maybe you could kick us off with the final question that I will ask each of you. And this is to just kind of put yourself back at the beginning of your journey. And if you could give yourself advice, I’d love to know what you would say. And of course, part of the goal of this is to hear, you know, for any aspiring author here that’s thinking about taking this journey, what do you wish you had known at the start of your journey that would have made it better, smoother, happier, or just maybe a point of awareness that would have been helpful to carry through?
Hady: I’ll start off by sharing something that I did tell myself that I was very grateful that I told myself, and that is that I. I wanted to make sure that I enjoyed the journey. Like, I didn’t want the whole thing, like, to suffer through the whole thing or just, like, you know. Yeah, just to, like, go through it, but, like, be miserable the whole time and just suffering and. And agonizing over this book process. So I did tell myself in the beginning, you have to, like, just enjoy the journey one step at a time. Like, finish the book, work with the editor. I was very nervous about the editing process.
Hady: Whereas people have talked a lot about, like, being afraid of getting the book into the world, I was most afraid of what the editor was going to say because I thought she was going to be like, this is trash, girl.
Stacy:You better.
Hady: You better go write yourself another book. Like, this is garbage. So that was my biggest fear. I’ll tell you that is where I lost sleep. And I remember telling her, please be gentle. I can’t tell you how many times that poor girl. She probably needed a therapist after working with me, because I was like, please be nice. Please be. Can we just do one? One, like, chapter at a time? She was like, I got you. I got you. And she was so nice and so kind, and we got through it. And I think after that, I got a little bit more confident. So that was, for me, that was the point where I was most nervous, like, the first time someone saw the manuscript besides me. But. So I’m glad that. So anyway, the advice that I gave myself was enjoy it.
Hady: You know, it’s not just about the destination. It’s the journey, too. And I’m glad I did that. And I had a very positive author journey up to this point. And, you know, there are ups and downs, and Lord have mercy, because they are. They come and they go. Like, you could be, like, on the top of the world one day, and then you feel like you’re, like, hoofing it and trying to work your way back up the mountain the next day. So I get that part. But I’m glad I enjoyed the journey. I wish, you know, for me, I guess I’m still new. You know, my book just launched. Got into the world ten days ago.
Stacy: Yeah.
Hady: So I kind of feel like there might be still more lessons that I’m going to learn along the way that maybe I haven’t experienced yet. I actually had a very nice process, and I, like, there’s nothing that I’m like, damn, I wish I knew that in the beginning. I mean, maybe I don’t like. Yeah, not a lot comes to mind because honestly, like, I had a very positive experience. And, you know, starting off with a coach, you know, the. The coaching process was a good, like, foundation and got me rooted and, like, very solid foundation to then take the next steps. And I feel like I picked really good partners. And, you know, there were some things that were challenging, like, for me personally, like, getting to the COVID was very challenging.
Hady: And Stacy, you know a little bit about this, but, like, I. I didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew what I didn’t want. So, like, I kept getting things that were like, that ain’t it. But I was like, it’s okay, so tell me what you want. I’m like, I don’t know. I want it to be like this. And, like, that was, like. That was like, torture. I’m telling you. I bought myself a ring. I’m. I’m wearing it. It’s like an engagement ring. I bought myself a ring the day the COVID was finalized because I, like, that was one of the hardest parts of this whole book process.
Hady: And let me tell you something, I got a world class illustrator, but I still needed to see what I wanted to get what I wanted from the COVID And so for those of you who haven’t seen the COVID that’s the COVID and I got it. I feel like we got to where I needed to be. And this is not what I envisioned when I started. But that’s the whole point. I didn’t know what I wanted. I just knew, like when I saw what I saw, I was like, that ain’t it. That’s not it yet. And, you know, so that part was kind of hard. And I wish I knew more like how, I don’t know how I could have been a better partner to the illustrator in that process. I’m not really sure.
Hady: But I had a really good experience and I guess I have to be really grateful for that. That I had a good experience and that there aren’t a lot of things that I would say, boy, I wish I knew this because that would have changed everything for me. I feel like it was a really positive experience for me.
Stacy: I love the advice of being present and I also love that you kept pushing and advocating for what you wanted. I think that made a huge difference. Thank you, Hady . Kevin, I’ll come to you. If you look back on, you know, a couple years younger, Kevin, on, you know, these authors that are considering this journey, what advice would you give?
Kevin: Yeah, similar to Hady , I would say the, the thing that came to my mind was, you know, to enjoy the journey, not to be in such a hurry. I tend to be impatient and I want to get done. And you know, my process was a little over three years, which to me seemed like a long time. You know, two. There are people who have taken much longer than that. There’s some people that work on a book for a lifetime. I realize now, but. But at the time I kept thinking, I’m not, you know, I’m not going fast enough. I’m not moving. And so I would have told myself, you know what, it’s just take your time.
Kevin: Because what I found is along the way, the time that was there and the time that elapsed between all the different phases of the process, it actually made the book better because it gave me more time to reflect. It also gave me more time to get input from, you know, whether it was, you know, close friends, the beta readers, the editors, whoever that might be. But all of those things made it better. And then in addition to that, during that time when you’re working on it, life still happen. And so I had additional joys in my life, I had additional losses in my life. And so then I was able to go back in and incorporate some of those insights and perspectives and experiences into the. Into the book as well. So I’m grateful for that.
Kevin: I think the other thing is that I didn’t necessarily see it as such an act of bravery as other people do, but I have heard that from so many people there, my daughter included. She’s like, dad, you are so brave that you wrote that after she read it. And I. And so I would tell myself that more on end that, you know, have the confidence, be brave, because I feel like the whole experience, it instilled in me more self confidence. I feel like I show up differently in a room now than I did before I wrote the book. And it’s a really beautiful thing and something I didn’t anticipate. And I’m. I’m extremely grateful for because I feel like I know who I am and I know I have a voice and I.
Kevin: And I know what I stand for, and I’m not afraid to be there, you know, and I’m proud of what I did, and I’m grateful for what I did. And so, yeah, it’s great.
Stacy: Kevin, I love your story also, because, you know, I’m often reminding authors that you set your own timeline and your journey is your journey. So while there is this typical band that the authors will go through that can be shorter, like Hady , it can be longer, you know, and sometimes some books need to breathe a little more, especially if it’s around a topic that’s harder to process or to get into the words that you really feel that you want to get them into. So I love how you’ve shared that the elapsed time supported you and made it a better book. Oh, go ahead, Kevin, please. Sorry.
Kevin: Say one quick thing.
Hady: Yeah, please.
Kevin: Just the other thing that I think is so important is that not even realizing on the front end that in writing the book, it’s really an evolution of your personal brand. My personal brand, because this defining. I think it was Hady or Arivee, it might have been you that mentioned the, you know, our mission, our own personal mission, vision and values, and writing our books really solidifies that. And it puts out in the world and so it gives us, you know, it’s just. It’s another step in that development of our own personal, I think, such a beautiful thing.
Stacy: Thanks for that addition, Kevin. Okay, Arivee, bring us home. What is the advice that you would give yourself at the start or an author who’s just starting this journey?
Arivee: One of the things that I was thinking of as you were talking and Kevin and even Javi, is that putting a book out into the world is an extremely vulnerable thing to do. You. You are really putting yourself out there. It doesn’t matter if it’s a novel or nonfiction. It is a vulnerable thing because it’s from inside of you, and you open yourself up to the possibility of all the bad things that could happen, all the judgment and rejection and all the opinions, but also, like, the amazing things, too, that we often don’t think we deserve fully. And so I would say to be okay with the vulnerability. And. And I think Kevin mentioned this, like, putting it all out there and being honest. Like, just being honest with your. With what’s inside. And if you find yourself like, oh, I’m.
Arivee: I shouldn’t say that. Oh, put it on the paper when you’re like, oh, I shouldn’t do it. You know, like, just lean instead of being like, because you do this. We do this in life all the time. But this is your baby. This is your book. Like, this is you coming out into the world. And just. I would tell myself that more. And then I would also tell myself, and also just advice, too, is ease up. Because, you know, I put a lot of pressure on myself. Ease up on the pressure and focus more on purpose over pressure. Like, purpose over pressure. And trust that your words will find the people who need to hear them the most and people who. Who you will be surprised need to hear them the most. Like, that has to be enough for you.
Arivee: Because let me tell you, the amount of men who reach out to me and say, I loved your book. I’m like, what? It wasn’t for you, but you love the book. And then they’re like, yeah, I love the framework. I was using the framework. And I’m like, oh, this is great. And also white men who say, thank you for that chapter on workplace realities for women of color, because now I will understand why. Oh, she’s not just quiet. That may be something that she’s working through. She may need more time to process. Let me go. Let me go one one. Because not that she does. It doesn’t mean to share. So I. I didn’t. That was not my intended impact for the book. Stacy, like, I didn’t think of that, but the amount of people it touched that I didn’t expect it to.
Arivee: I would have told myself in the beginning, be open to all of those things. Right? It doesn’t change who you’re speaking to, but be open that these are, these things can happen. Because the book, for me, the book and for advice for me, the book grew me just as much as probably it helps help the reader grow.
Stacy: I love, I love that so much. And I know that there are people listening or watching that, you know, they’re like, but that’s not me. That’s, that’s just these three. Right. And I often like to remind myself, remind people that I’m talking with that all the people that you admire, all these three authors that you’re watching or listening to later on the replay on my podcast, all of these authors are just people that had a goal and took action toward that goal. And that’s the same for anybody that you look up to and admire. To Hady , Arabi and Kevin, thank you so much for joining me today. I so appreciate your time and energy. I’ll be sure.
Stacy: In our show notes, on the podcast, in the comments on streaming platforms, we’ll link to where to buy your books as well for people that want to get a copy. Thank you to our viewer or later listener for joining us today. I really hope that these conversations inspired you. I know I’m leaving inspired and I’m actually also working on a book myself. So I’m going to be taking this inspiration into my own writing journey. As I, as I mentioned earlier, I’m running a six month book writing accelerator and mentorship called Idea to Draft. And it’s really meant to support people who have that goal and want to make their book a reality. You can learn more stacyennis.com, of course, I will link to that as well in the comments or the show notes. Thank you all so much.
Stacy:
I appreciate you being here with me today and I hope that we grew some authors together.
Arivee: Thank you so much.
Kevin: Absolutely.
Hady: Bye everyone.
Stacy:Thank you.
Kevin: Good to see everyone. Bye. Bye.
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