Transcripts for Episode 161

These transcripts were generated by robots, not writers.

Stacy: When you do not follow through on something for a long period of time, or maybe you’ve wanted to do something for a long time, but you haven’t done it, what that does is it erodes your sense of self trust, and part of habit formation is rebuilding self trust. And part of falling through on habits is building accountability. I came across research recently. We are 95% more likely to follow through on our goals when we have scheduled accountability. What does this mean, scheduled accountability? Well, it means that not only have you verbalized your goal, so you’ve done all of those normal things that you expect somebody needs to do to be successful in goal achievement, but you also have specific accountability built into your calendar that will maintain that success.

Stacy: Welcome, welcome. It’s just us this week. Just me, just you, no guest. And I want to talk about following through. I was in a meetup in my author community, the author Influence circle. Every month we have meetups. So we have coaching. Every month we have a guest that comes in and trains every month. But we also have these more casual, we call them coffee meetups. And I love these because it’s time to connect and to hear how things are going for everyone. And one of the things that we talked about in this meetup was about following through and how to find accountability or how to build in accountability. I loved talking about this because this is something that I talk about all the time with people who are trying to achieve a goal. In my world, that is the goal of writing a book.

Stacy: But it could really be anything. It could be reaching a physical goal, like starting to run or actually doing a race that you have your mind set on, like a half marathon, let’s say. Or it could be around healthy lifestyle habits, or it could be around reading more or painting or whatever. It could be any kind of thing that you really want to do. And whether it’s big or it’s more habitual daily, we as humans are not very good generally at following through on things. It’s hard for us, especially as grown ups, to develop new habits and to keep those new habits, to hold those new habits and follow through on them for long periods of time. And I see this a lot with book writing, where people get really inspired.

Stacy: They start the habit of working on their book, they start their daily writing, and then they. They just completely abandon it. And that happens sometimes very early, sometimes it happens midway through, and sometimes it even happens after the first draft, although that’s a lot less common. It’s more common around the first chapter and around the 20,000 word mark. So what do you do about this? How do you follow through on this thing that you want to do? And I’m going to look at it today through the lens of writing again, because this is my area of expertise. This is the world that I work in, book writing. But you can apply this to anything.

Stacy: And the other thing that, the other layer to this that I want to add is that when you do not follow through on something for a long period of time, or maybe you’ve wanted to do something for a long time, but you haven’t done it, what that does is it erodes your sense of self trust. And part of habit formation is rebuilding self trust. And part of falling through on habits is building accountability. I came across research recently, and this was done by a professional organization. Did not write the name down, but I did fact check this, and the research shows that we are 95% more likely to follow through on our goals when we have scheduled accountability. Mind blowing for me. Like what?

Stacy: I mean, it feels very obvious to me, but at the same time, to actually have that data point, it’s also like, wow. Yes, yes, yes. We have data to show what I have seen for the last 15 years as I’ve worked with authors. What does this mean, scheduled accountability? Well, it means that not only have you verbalized your goal, so you’ve done all of those normal things that you expect somebody needs to do to be successful in goal achievement, but you also have specific accountability built into your calendar that will maintain that success. For my world, that often looks a few different ways. And I’m going to talk through some of the different ways that you can build accountability. So we’re going to talk through calendaring, which is kind of the foundation.

Stacy: It’s not the scheduled accountability exactly, but we’re going to talk about that. We will talk through peer accountability writing groups or communities programs and working with a coach. And I’m going to help you think through the best option for you. Obviously, these are going to be a range between free to expensive and some along the way. So obviously budget impacts this. But you can have $0 and still build successful accountability. And you can also build in professional accountability via a coach. So let’s talk through all of these options.

Stacy: The first thing that I want to talk about before we talk about that scheduled accountability that we know is that success hook for you is calendaring out and making sure that you have built in the space into your calendar to be successful in writing your book or whatever the big thing is that you want to do. I know I’ve talked about this on the podcast before. I will talk about it today, and I will talk about it many times in the future as well. But there are a couple of things that you need to know about being successful with your habits and with falling through on a big project like writing a book. One is that you are way more likely, and research shows this, to follow through in the morning.

Stacy: And so it’s very important that you, if you can, if there’s any adjustment you can make to your schedule, that you do your creative work or your focused work first thing in the morning. Even you night owls, I am a night owl too. But the fact is, and this is shown by research, willpower decreases throughout the day. So it’s really important that you make space, you calendar it out, you get it on your schedule to put in the time consistently. And that’s the next point I want to talk about consistently over time. Research also shows that you are way better off putting in consistent daily effort rather than trying to set big blocks of time aside, such as on a Saturday or Sunday.

Stacy: So a lot of times people will think, okay, well, I’m just going to set aside 4 hours on Saturday or 2 hours on Saturday. And then when they go and sit down to do the work, they struggle to do much because they have not built those strong neural pathways that get them into creative flow. So it’s really important that you are maintaining consistency. Now, here’s the other thing. Don’t set yourself up for failure before you even start. I know that you want to write for an hour, and some days you may be able to, but some days you may only be able to write for 20 minutes. It’s still worth sitting down and doing the work. It’s easy to go, I don’t have an hour. There’s not even a point today. There is a point. Sit down and do it.

Stacy: And you will get, you will build those new neural pathways. You’ll get into the flow faster. I also want to share another concept that I recently came across I think is so cool. I have not yet been able to find the original research to confirm this, but I like it. So I’m going to share it and I will go and try to find that original research. But I was listening to a podcast recently and the guest shared this concept of emotional avoidance. So sometimes when we have something we want to do, we avoid doing it because there is pain that we feel when we go to do it. And it can be a variety of things. It could be discomfort of not doing it normally and just like, ugh, I don’t feel like I’m in it, you know, it could be shame at that.

Stacy: Breaking down of self trust. I haven’t done this and now I’m doing it. I’m so behind this. Does it feel good? There could be all kinds of emotions connected, but what researchers have found is that only lasts for 90 seconds, roughly. So if you can get. Get to your desk and get through those 90 seconds, you will move past it. Well, you’ll move through that emotion and into the activity. And this concept was described as climbing the two minute mountain. And I love this so much. Can you climb the two minute mountain to get through and over the emotion and move into the activity?

Stacy: And to do that, you really need to have all of this on your calendar and planned out so you have a set time of day, ideally every day, but at least multiple days a week to do the thing you want to do. All right, so foundational, get in on the calendar. Okay, so how do you build in accountability and tap into that 95% greater likelihood that you will be successful? Okay, let’s start with peer accountability. Peer accountability is free, and if you find the right peer accountability partner, it can be super successful. It’s really important, though, that you partner with somebody who is very serious, that you set some structure around your accountability. And I would suggest not only having a regular rhythm to your communication, maybe daily, but also having set calls on the calendar. So you are checking in with each other.

Stacy: Picking the partner is probably the hardest part because you may be really serious and you may think they are, but you never know for sure until you get into it. So if, for example, you partner with somebody and they don’t end up being the right fit. Lose heart. Just keep looking until you find somebody who is the right fit for you. And then get calls on the calendar. So a two week rhythm can work really well with maybe a daily check in, or at least a couple times a week check in. Make sure you get that on the calendar. You set expectations in the beginning and have fun with it. Drive energy and excitement around it. Maybe you have some milestones you can celebrate. Do something fun and make it really joyful. Another way you can drive accountability is through a writing group.

Stacy: And of course, there are local writing groups, so you could look around in your area and see what writing groups exist. Or you can join an online community such as my author influence circle, which is such an incredible space where we really build in accountability for you. So in our circle, we have weekly focus and flow, and this is a shared accountability hour, where you log in the beginning, everybody very quickly shares what they’re focusing on. We work silently, and at the end, you very quickly again, because we’re mindful of everybody’s time, share what you accomplished, and this is every week. And so it really drives that shared accountability. We also have a WhatsApp channel that is only for accountability, so you can really partake in that daily accountability if you’d like to. And those are really useful.

Stacy: We also have a monthly coaching hour, so that’s where you can come on and ask your questions and get support, as well as our meetups. And we have guests that come in and train on various topics related to all things, publishing, marketing, business, and beyond. So that’s a really great option, especially if you’re looking for something that is going to provide you a really robust accountability experience and the community element. And I’ll be sure to leave a link to that community. In the show notes. We’re always welcoming new members. And if you’re working on a nonfiction book at any stage, from idea all the way through publication, because we definitely have published authors in there as well. It’s a really great spot for you, and especially if you’re working on a book that’s probably part of your bigger mission in the world.

Stacy: Okay, another option is a writing program, and there are a variety of programs out there in the world, and they are a variety of lengths. So anywhere from weeks to months. The program that I run is called idea to draft. We go through a six month journey together to get you from idea to draft. As the name implies, the value of a program, as you might imagine, is that there is structure to it, and it really guides you through that whole process. Plus you have a cohort to drive accountability. And that’s really nice because you build these relationships and you’re all at the same spot. So you are really journeying through.

Stacy: Well, I shouldn’t say you’re all at the same spot because in my cohort sometimes people actually come in with a finished manuscript and then there’s other people who are not yet sure what the topic of the book is going to be, but they know what their mission is and at least broadly what they want to do in the world. So we have all stages, but we are journeying through the same material, we’re coming to the same meetings, and we really are on a journey together. So if you need more structure and you also want to learn that skill of book writing and go through that transformative journey of authorhood, that can be a really great option for you going through a writing program.

Stacy: And we’re increasing in cost, by the way, as we go along because of course you can build in free peer accountability. And I like to mention that because I never want anybody listening to this to feel dissuaded from their dreams because of expense. So there are always many ways that you can build in that accountability and be successful in your author journey. On the other end of that spectrum is private coaching. So my group program is group coaching. You can also work one one with a book coach. When you work one one at the book coach, you are getting a lot more customized experience. You’re having somebody who’s looking at your material. Now, in our program, we do build in milestones and phases where the coaches on my team are looking at your work. So they review your outline.

Stacy: And if you complete your draft in the program like we want you to, and we hope you will, and you should, if you follow the system, you also get a chapter review. So there are really nice things built in the program, but in one one coaching, you are getting somebody who is really looking at every single piece with you, helping you strategize, helping you organize, and helping you think through the whole writing process. Your coach is also going to be your, like partially your cheerleader, but partially the person that’s like, hey, where’s that chapter? Okay, let’s talk about why it’s not done. Let’s work on ways to get it done. They’re going to follow up with you. They’re going to be driving with you to get the book done.
Stacy: And so if you’re somebody who needs more hand holding, more hands one on one coaching could be a really great option to help you get it. Now, outside of the book world, this could look like a business coach. It could look like any kind of coach that you need to help you get things done. For me, it’s been Portuguese. I’ve been doing private portuguese lessons and that has helped me a lot to learn the language and I needed that every week to drive that forward.

Stacy: Of course, there are other ways that you can build accountability, but these key ways, starting with the foundation of building the time and calendaring it out and then considering your different options, we have peer accountability writing group or writing communities such as my author influence circle or writing program, such as the idea to draft program that I run or one one coaching. Of course, my programs are not the only ones out there, and I do recommend you go and do your due diligence, compare, contrast, see what options there are. You should just know there are many ways that you can drive accountability. But the takeaway from all of this that I really hope for you to hold on to is that if you haven’t been successful, don’t beat yourself up about it.

Stacy: Don’t hold on to the past and what you haven’t done, but instead look to how you can build in strategies and systems for success. One of the things that we focus on in our team is if we have some kind of a breakdown or a mistake or something happens, we always look to the system, not the people first. So we’re always looking into our system and saying, that happened, why did it happen? And what can we do to fix the system so it doesn’t happen in the future? I encourage you to look at your life in the same way. So if you haven’t made progress on something that is really deeply important to you know, it’s important to you. Look at the systems that you have in place. Look at the structures that you’ve built.

Stacy: Look at the things that you have created or not created in your life that are maybe needed. So maybe you have a gap in this accountability. And not getting it done on your own doesn’t actually say anything about you. It just means that you like community, you value human connection, and you’re motivated working with other people. Awesome. Me too. I’m the same way. I hope that this episode has given you some ideas on how you can build that accountability and achieve your goal of otherhood or whatever it is. And if you are looking for community, as I mentioned, our author inflow circle is just such a rich and amazing place. I love it. It’s like become my favorite place on the Internet for sure. So with all that said, I hope you enjoyed this episode.

Stacy: I would love, as always, to hear from you on what you think of the podcast, your questions. I am for sure going to be doing a QA episode soon, so please always feel free to send your questions to me at hello@stacyennis.com. Are we connected on Instagram? If not, you should follow me at Stacey Ennis. I have so much fun there. I really enjoy posting on Instagram. It’s like kind of my quirky, silly side and I really enjoy it. And if you’re still listening, you must enjoy the podcast as much as I enjoy making it. Would you take just 20 seconds, 15 seconds to rate and review this podcast? Five stars, couple words. It truly makes a difference. I am so grateful for your time and energy and helping me reach more people with the message of beyond better. And that’s it for this week’s episode.

Stacy: I want to thank, as always, Rita Domingues for her great work on this podcast. She makes this and all the other marketing things happen and all of the things we produce, the valuable content we put out every week. She truly is the reason it’s all flowing the way that it is. And I am grateful and of course, to our whole team for their support on all elements related to getting everything out, including this podcast. I’m very grateful and I will be back with you before you know it.