Today’s episode features a very special guest, Hadassa Candiani, known professionally as Adassa, whom you may recognize as the voice of Dolores Madrigal in Disney’s Encanto. In this vulnerable conversation, I get to talk with Adassa about what it means to keep showing up—for your family, your work, and yourself.
Adassa shares her experience of surviving a Covid-related paralysis that nearly ended her career and left her unable to sing, move, or care for her children. Her healing came through her faith and husband’s support. We also talk about how creative expression through writing her memoir, combined with music, gave her a new outlet for healing, as well as breaking down the stigma around struggles.
Adassa is an Oscar, Grammy, and Golden Globe winning artist and a featured vocalist on the Billboard Hot 100 number-one hit “We Don’t Talk About Bruno.” A Colombian American mother of seven, she has performed alongside Lin-Manuel Miranda (who is kind of a hero in our household), Pitbull, Snoop Dogg, and Megan Thee Stallion. Her debut memoir, Love Keeps Showing Up: Music, Messes, and Miracles, releases alongside a ten-track country album, both telling the story of a woman who kept going with when everything said stop.
If you are facing challenges in your life that seem overwhelming and need a little inspiration to keep going, you will certainly enjoy listening to this delightful interview.
And stay tuned for a little extra at the end!
Get to know Adassa:
- Website
- TikTok @adassaofficial
- X @adassaofficial
- Facebook @adassaofficialpage
- Instagram @adassaofficial
- LinkedIn
Book recommendations:
- The Giver: A Story About Conformity, Control, and Society, by Lois Lowry
- The Sunshine Mind: 100 Days to Finding the Hope and Joy You Want, by Tanya Radd and Raquelle Stevens
Follow me on:
- Instagram @stacyennis
- Facebook @stacyenniscreative
- YouTube @stacyennisauthor
To submit a question, email hello@stacyennis.com or join my email list http://stacyennis.com/join and fill out the form on the page.
Finding your voice, with Adassa from Encanto | Episode 260 Transcript
These transcripts were generated by robots, not writers.
Stacy: When I found out that I had the opportunity to interview this week’s guest, it was an absolutely yes immediately. And the reason? Adasa, today’s guest is the voice of Dolores in my son’s very favorite movie Encanto. And as I read Adasa’s book in preparation for this conversation, I got to know her more as a creative, as a musician and as a human. And I got even more excited about having her on the podcast because outside of course, what you know her for probably is as the voice of Dolores, you’re going to love her message and I know it’s really going to resonate with you. So let me introduce you to this week’s guest.
Stacy: Adasa is an Oscar, Grammy and Golden Globe winning artist, best known as the voice of Dolores Madrigal in Disney’s Encanto and featured vocalist on the Billboard number one hit We Don’t Talk About Bruno. A Colombian American mother of seven, she has performed alongside Lin Manuel Miranda who is kind of a hero in our household. Pitbull, Snoop Dogg and Megan Thee Stallion and survived a Covid related paralysis that left her unable to sing, move or care for her children. Her debut memoir love Keeps Showing Up Music Messes and Miracles releases alongside a ten track country album.
Stacy: Both telling the story of a woman who kept going with when everything said stop. So welcome Adas. I’m so excited to get to talk with you today.
Adassa: Thank you so much for having me Stacy. I’m super excited to be with you too.
Stacy: Okay, so I just read a really impressive introduction. I mean just even saying Oscar, Grammy and Golden Globe in one sentence is amazing. You’re well known for your work in Encanto. You also you’re a musical artist yourself. I got to listen to your latest album when I was reading the book before all of this, before you got into the work you are that you do today and the impact that you’re having through your work. Who were you as a kid and a young adult? Tell me a little bit about your background and what led you into your life today.
Adassa: Well, my family has always been very musical. My mom sang and played the guitar, my dad as well, so I started singing since I was a little girl at church with my parents. So growing up in a house with so much music and flavor and color, because my family’s all Colombian. I was born in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, so I’m a Southern girl, but I was born into a family of flavor. And so I knew very early on that I wanted to do music. That’s all I ever wanted to do since I was little. And then when I saw the Little Mermaid and I wanted to be part of that world, I knew it. I was like, I want to be part of that world. And I dreamt of that moment, but I don’t come from money or anything like that.
Adassa: My family is very humble family. And so I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy. So I always had, like, a tangible goal of, like, I’m going to be an extra at Disney. Like, that’s what I wanted. Like, I wanted to go to Stetson University and then graduate and go to Disney and be an extra. Then I met my husband and, well, who became my husband. Around when I was 17, I got signed to my very first record deal. And then after that, my life took a turn because, like, I started going on tours and worked with, like, Enrique Iglesias and Paulina Rubio and had songs with Luis Fonsi and so many great artists that I worked with international as well, Tarkan and. And so I did that. And so my life has always been full of music.
Adassa: Like, even just passing school was like, I had to memorize it in, like, a song form to be able to pass my test, because it’s always been.
Stacy: Music for me, you know, as I read your book and got to learn more about your story and, you know, having watched Live at the Hollywood bowl and of course, encanto like, 3,000 times and listened to the album a million times, I think something that really struck me with your story is the situation surrounding being selected for the movie and for this very important role of Dolores. Maybe you can share with our listeners a little bit about your home life. Like, you have a bunch of amazing children. You homeschool. But then what happened right before that made this such a unique experience for you, even outside of this incredible opportunity?
Adassa: Well, I’ve been touring for about, I don’t know, on and off, 20 years of my life. And so at one point I told my husband, you know, I really want to focus on our family. So. So we had one child and then took 10 years and just really honed down on the craft of music. And then I felt like inspired. I was like, I feel like it’s time to try again. And I had been told since I was little that I was not going to have children. So when I met my husband, I had told him, I was like, are you sure you want to marry me? Because they told me I wouldn’t have any kids. You know, the possibilities are less than 5%. So. And he was like, no, I’m in it.
Adassa: And so when I got pregnant with our first, and I was just 18 and I was a very new mommy and very young, I just was over the moon. And then it was 10 years of us just with our child and he had one from his previous marriage. So it was just those two babies and then I felt it. And so I stepped away from music. My husband kept doing film and TV music. He works for Warner Chapel and he focused on that. And then I just went for on, okay, let’s hope and see if there’s another one. And we got pregnant with our second child. So that made three kids between both of us. And then the next ones just started coming. And then that’s how our family grew to a family of seven.
Adassa: And so I started focusing on my spirituality and becoming a really all in house mom, you know, just like taking our kids to activities. I still worked on music because I always keep myself sharp even after every child. And after our last baby, I told him, I was like, you know, I would love for us to just take a little break. And he’s like, yeah, let’s go to Florida, let’s go to Miami. Let’s go to beach and just take a couple days. And we took our gear like usual because anywhere we go, just in case we get inspired. And then we had just recorded a song and I had just really honed in on this like deeper side of my voice and. And he’s like, why don’t we just record a video for it? I’m like, I just want to go to the beach.
Adassa: So he’s like, the light’s coming in so wonderfully that morning. And so he shut up the camera. We recorded the video, one shot, then we put it up online and we didn’t think anything of it. And a few months later, that’s when we received an email. When I updated my phone, I got a whole bunch of emails that I had from that YouTube account. And one of them was, we’d like to get a hold of Hadassa for an opportunity that was Disney based on that video that we shot of Me, like, just trying to bounce back from babies. They called us and asked me if I would want to audition. I did not have an agent for acting. I mean, I’d been in music my whole life.
Adassa: And so they gave us 24 hours to turn around this demo and between, you know, homeschooling, the kids, putting in her bed, getting in the booth, turned it around. That’s how that happened. The audition for the Encanto film. And I didn’t even know what role it was going to be or what character, but I’m like, I’ll be a butterfly. I’ll do anything it is that you have in mind. And so that was the initial. The initial audition that I did.
Stacy: I would be a butterfly, too, if Disney asked me to be a butterfly. 100%. I’m in. When I was reading your book and you were 41, right when you got this opportunity, I just turned 40 last year, so I’ll be 41 this year. And that, for me, as a mom, was so beautiful to read, because I think that I would have assumed before I had seen Live at the Hollywood bowl and of course, read your book and everything that you were, you know, the age of Dolores. And it just delights me, as a. As somebody, you know, close to that age and as a mom that you. That this happened at that time. Like, there’s something really beautiful about that.
Adassa: I know. I think that a lot of us feel like once we pass 30, we’re discarded as, like, oh, that’s it. You know, this is expired goods. To the contrary, these are the best years of your life because you don’t have the innocence of things going perfect. So you know how things can go in this life. And there’s a 50 chance. But if you have the endurance, mind, and willingness of putting in the effort, anything is possible. Because now you have all the education you didn’t when you were 15, and you don’t make the same mistakes when you were 20, and you have the experiences of your 30s. And so I. I feel like even Stephanie Beatrice, she’s also, like, not in her 20s, and she was Mirabel in this film.
Adassa: So many of us who are part of this film, we just have the joy in our hearts, and we keep the innocence with the education of our. Our lives. And so that is what really brings into a character the richness that it becomes after being in this film and then being with so many amazing actors like Alan Tadak, who has been in so many amazing films and learning from them, is what I understand, is that the Most richest performances come from those who have lived the most. So to the contrary of you thinking, I do not have an opportunity to be an artist or to be a singer, to be a painter or to be in the arts, it’s totally the opposite. This is the best time in your life.
Adassa: The thing that you need to do is hone in on your skills, become the best. Because it is a competitive world out there right now. Anybody can post. Anybody can show you what they’ve got. For you to stand out, there has to be something unique. And what makes you unique, it’s your story. It’s who you are. Nobody is like you. Nobody has lived your exact life. And that is one of the richest things that you bring into anything you do is who you are. So don’t be scared of your past. Your past is what builds your future.
Stacy: Beautifully said. And, you know, I think something else that comes up for me when I got to know your story more is you’ve been so consistent. Like, you kept showing up, but it wasn’t just for your work. You know, you also showed up for your family and, you know, as a. As a human, as a full human. And I think, you know, for anybody listening to this, that maybe feels like, I haven’t. Haven’t hit that thing yet. I haven’t gotten to that place I thought I’d get to. I think what your story really shows for people is that continued, like, pursuit. There’s something about that continued pursuit that really seems important. Is that a fair. Is that a fair analysis of. Of your story?
Adassa: Absolutely. But not only do I not give up, it’s my husband, I have to say, because there have been times that I’m just like, that’s it. I quit. I’m done. Close the book. Nobody cares. And I’m out. And he’s like, no, I care. You should care. And I think that the very first cheerleaders that should be on your side is you. Don’t give up on you. Because if you’re waiting for people to like, raw, rah, keep going. You. It might not come. You may not have that infrastructure from an outside perspective telling you not to give up. So it has to be you. You have to be your very first cheerleader. You have to be your very first fan. You have to be the one saying, no, I’m going to do it, because I don’t care if anybody’s watching. I need this.
Adassa: I need to breathe. I need to do this for me. And when people sense that’s why they follow. They follow you not because you’re good. They follow your passion. You can put you on mute, and your expressions say more than your words can ever do. So if I’m just going like this, you feel what I’m saying? And I could be talking about, I just made the best pot roast. Oh, my goodness. I put it in there, and it was like the slow cooker beef was, like, melting off the meat bone. Like, you feel what I’m saying? So confidence rings more than your analytics, I would say, analysis of what you’re supposed to do and how you’re supposed to frame it and whatever. And sometimes we get caught up so much on the framing of things.
Adassa: We need to just show the emotion of who we truly are and how convicted we are to what we do. So, yes, sometimes I did want to give up, and my husband had to be my pusher because he was like, no, don’t give up. And I’m like, okay, yeah, let’s just do it. And that’s what got me to this point. And I would even say one of the hardest things that I went through was during the time that I got cast in the film, because after I sent in my initial audition, they gave us a phone number that only in case of emergencies, we should call. And they said that when they received our audition, we would hear back from them.
Adassa: And so the hours started going through, and by the time we reached, like, 18, 20 hours in, my husband’s like, I’m going to call the number. And I was like, no, because if you don’t hear back, that means you didn’t get the part. You need to accept it. And he’s like, no, but they said in case of emergencies and that they would tell us if they received our audition. And so he calls in the number, and I’m just over here being embarrassed.
Adassa: And then they were like, hi, how are you guys? And we’re like. And my husband’s like, yes, I just wanted to confirm if you got our audition. And he’s. They’re like, what audition? We didn’t receive anything. And little did we know our stuff went to spam, because obviously Disney, being the incredible company there are, they only accept things from people that are whitelisted. And so if it wouldn’t have been for my husband insisting in that moment, I wouldn’t be with you right now, because I am a shy person. And I’m just like, you know, it’s okay to be considered and it’s fine. You know, he’s like, no, we’re going forward, we’re going to do this. And so him calling, getting whitelisted by them, it just became a funny thing, because every time they would send us an email, they would all always call us.
Adassa: And so I’m grateful for Grace Kim, who was the casting director’s assistant, and Jamie Sparrow Roberts, the casting director of the film, for giving me this opportunity. And when I submitted it, then were like, okay, cool. We just took the time, and we didn’t think twice about it. Then I received the callback, and that’s when everything changed, because I got the callback. I was with all of the producers. You know, I’m sitting there with Jared Bush, Byron Howard over Zoom, the casting director, Yvette Medino, one of the producers as well. And I gave the performance of a lifetime. And the next day, I’m feeling a little sick. And then I thought, oh, my goodness, I think we’re pregnant again. Like, I thought so. And with our second, we had gone through the situation that all of our pregnancy tests at home came out negative.
Adassa: I got a blood test, and it was positive. So I did the same thing. All of my tests were negative. And I told my husband, I’m just gonna go to the er. I’m gonna get tested. I’ll be back just a few hours. And so he was like, can I come with you? Are you feeling okay? I’m like, I’m just. I’ve been feeling nauseous. I’ve been feeling dizzy, short of breath. And we had Covid, like, a few weeks behind. So I was like, maybe it’s something with COVID I’m not really sure. Let me just go, and I’ll be home. I get there, and within minutes, I couldn’t walk. And then I started losing the ability to move my hands. And then I started slurring my words. And then I became paralyzed. And I’m talking the day before.
Adassa: I had just given the audition of a lifetime for the role that I’ve been dreaming about since I was 9 years old to work for Disney. And then I couldn’t even say my name. I couldn’t pick up a pencil. And so right before the final paralysis happened, I kind of dialed my husband, and I was just, like, stuttering. And he’s like, something’s wrong. I’m coming right now. Because of COVID He couldn’t come inside because all of the COVID restrictions said that only the person that needed to be treated could be inside. And so after hours of getting MRIs, CT scans, everything, blood work, I just Said, I’m going. I want to go home to die. Because if this is. If this is me going, I want to go home to die. So I signed myself out of the hospital against doctor’s orders.
Adassa: My husband wheeled me out because I couldn’t even stand, and so I drove myself there, and then I had to be wheeled out in a wheelchair, and I went home, and I thought I was dying.
Stacy: I can’t imagine, like, even though I’ve read your book, and so I know. I know what happens on the other side of this. I still feel chills hearing that. Because, you know, as a mom, what you’re ultimately thinking about is what you’re leaving behind. And for you, that’s a amazing family that you’ve built. I just. I can’t even imagine what was going through your mind.
Adassa: Yes, everything goes through your mind. Everything. Like, I haven’t written a will. And so I got home, and I immediately told my husband, I want to write my will. And then we called up some friends that we had and a few church members, and I told them, you know me, my wish sign. Like, I just. I was like, literally the few things I could say. So they signed the paper, and I did all the document. And then I was like, okay, my family’s protected. Because the little things that you. Don’t you see it, You. You flip through it on Instagram, you’re like, yeah, protect your families. You know, and you don’t think about that until you’re in a situation where like, oh, darn, my husband doesn’t even have the code for our bank accounts. You know, I’m like, oh, goodness.
Adassa: And so it was a hard. It was a hard situation, especially not knowing if I was going to wake up the next day. And then all of a sudden, we get a knock at the door. And it happened to be our visiting teacher and somebody who would just drop in once in a while on us. But just. He just said, I thought I needed to come and visit you guys. And I didn’t know it, but he was an emt. And then he saw me. He’s like, maybe you’re having a stroke. Why don’t we go to Vanderbilt? Because I live in Nashville. And he’s like, let’s go to Vanderbilt and get a second opinion.
Adassa: So he drove us there in his truck, and after 14 hours of more scans, CTs, everything, again, a neurologist came and told me, you know, I think you’re having issues with long haul Covid. We don’t know if or when your symptoms will pass. We can run a spinal tap and see if maybe it’s Guillain Barre syndrome. But at this point, there’s nothing else we can do. We can send you home if you’re in pain, we can send you home with something, but there’s nothing we can do. And so that was the second time. So I got home and I just. Every day was going to sleep and hoping I would wake up the next morning. And when I did, I would be like, okay, thank you, Lord, I’m alive. And so if I could speak that day, because they would go. And in.
Adassa: In waves. Like, I would have moments in which I could walk, but if I tried to walk and talk, I would hit the floor. Like, it was just like, I had to sit very still and I’d have to whisper everything. And if I wanted to walk, I could walk slowly, but I couldn’t do both. And so that’s how I would talk to my kids. Just very calm and very softly. Which, weirdly enough, after. After all of the situation ended up being what made Dolores. What made she was. Because as I was sitting, literally, I remember the day I was sitting in my husband’s lap, and he was just stroking my hair. And it was during those periods where I would be on and off. And so I didn’t know if I was going to live another day.
Adassa: And it was just like, every day was just a blessing. And that’s when the phone rings. He picks up the cell phone. Congratulations, you got the part. And my husband’s like. And so he puts his hand over the microphone of the cell phone, and he’s like, you got to tell him. You can’t take this. Like, there’s no way. We don’t even know if you’re going to be alive tomorrow. And I was like, you call him if I’m dead. I’m taking this. And so he’s like. And I’m like, style. And so I’m over here trying to take breaths and, like, passing out. And he’s talking to Jamie Sparrow Roberts, who the casting director herself, who was the casting director for Frozen and Wreck It Ralph and Tangled and Moana. She’s congratulating us herself of this milestone, of an amazing moment.
Adassa: And I’m over here thinking, I don’t even know if I’m going to wake up tomorrow. And so she’s like, after my husband’s like, okay, so is she going to have to fly to la? They’re like, well, because of COVID restrictions, you could do it from your studio. Since we have a studio at home. And so he goes through everything, and then at one point, she’s like, okay, so can I talk to Adasa?
Stacy: And he’s like,.
Adassa: Okay, sure, let’s find out. And so he hands me the phone. And then I say the only thing I can. I’m like, thank you so much. When do I start? And, like, I almost hit the floor. And then she was like, three weeks. And so it was like training, like Rocky, but in slow motion for three weeks. Because I’m like, every breath, every step. And then when I was there with them, they went through different ways of, like, how the character was gonna sound. And I was doing so much better. I was like, oh, I’m there. I’m awake. I’m there. And so I’m giving them different ways of variations. And then they told me, well, we feel like Dolores should be like a soft spoken character. Do you think you can go there?
Adassa: And I’m like, thinking, that’s all I’ve had for this whole time was this soft voice that I had to speak to with my kids. And so I started saying the lines the way that I was speaking to my children, which was the only one about the magic is you and the rats talking in the walls. And they’re like, that’s it.
Stacy: Like, where.
Adassa: That’s. That’s where she lives. And I’m like, so it’s a weird thing because the worst moment that I’ve ever had to endure, the nights in which I didn’t think I was gonna wake up, and the soft spoken way that I’ve had to speak to my children for all those weeks ended up being the sound that Dolores has as her voice.
Stacy: I love that. I think it’s such a beautiful, like, arc to this experience. The theme of your book is that love keeps showing up, and I’d love to hear through this time some of the ways that this happened for you in your life.
Adassa: Oh, man. Love showed up in my husband, never giving up on me. Love showed up. The night that I told him that, I was so exhausted I wanted to take a bath. And he told me, you know, I could sit with you. And I’m like, yeah, no, baby, it’s okay.
Adassa: I just need to relax. And I. And I was going through those moments of just feeling uncertain, because up to that moment, I had just felt like my value was on what I could do. Like, I could. I could sing. I’m a singer. That’s what I do. I’m a performer. I’m. I’m A mom. I can cook. I can clean a house. And when all of that got stripped away from me, when I couldn’t sing and I couldn’t clean and I couldn’t do anything except stare at a ceiling, I felt so worthless. I felt like I’m just ahead in a bed. What’s the point of my life if I can’t do anything? So as I sat in the bath and the water was rising, all of a sudden I started feeling the paralysis flowing through my body.
Adassa: And so I tried to get up, and I couldn’t. Then I tried to say something, and I couldn’t. And then I started dipping into the water as the water was rising. And I’m like, I’m going to die in this tub, and no one’s gonna know. And my husband’s out in the kitchen. And so I just closed my eyes. And as the water rose above my nose, I felt like, okay, I’m just gonna let it go. I’m gonna let go. And suddenly, out of nowhere, my husband opens the curtain and takes me out of the water and places me on the bed. Love showed up in that moment. I don’t know.
The spirit touched him on the other room. I have no idea what made him, but because I couldn’t say anything, I was like, I couldn’t say anything.
Adassa: And so after a while, when my body started coming to, I just started crying. I started crying, and I just was like, what is the point of life? You’re gonna have to take care of. Of me now. And I am of no use. I am worthless. And he’s like, no, you’re not. Because as long as you’re alive, we’re so happy that you’re here. And if you can’t talk, I will read your lips. And if. If you can’t make it to the door, we’ll find a way. And so he never saw me as less. And he made me feel heavenly Father’s love so deeply. Because I understood that it doesn’t matter what we can do or if we feel as beautiful as the world portrays beauty standards, or if I could move or not.
Adassa: I am valuable because I am a child of God, because I am alive.
Stacy: That’s it.
Adassa: It doesn’t have anything to do with anything I can do or cannot do. And so when you truly feel your value based on just your existence, it changes your perspective on everything. And so instead of asking myself, why is this happening? Why? I’ve been. I’ve been reading my scriptures. I’ve been praying. I’ve been taking my Kids to church. I’ve been cooking. I’ve been doing all the things I’ve been. Everything that I thought I was supposed to do. My conversation changed into, what is it that I need to learn? And that’s the moment that I stopped talking and I started listening. And I started listening. And what I started feeling was that God loved me. Didn’t matter what I could do or not. He just loved me.
Adassa: And then I started feeling the love of other people, which was hard because as a Latina, I’m like, I got this. I don’t need anybody to come clean my house. I don’t even need my kids to wash the dishes. Like, that was the kind of mom I was. It’s like I got all of it. And when I couldn’t, I had to sit back and just feel the love of others. Love would show up on people. Dropping off meals, taking my kids out for play dates, cleaning my home, because I couldn’t. And I had to let them. And it was so hard. It was so hard to let people love on my family because I felt I was failing them, because I couldn’t do it myself.
Adassa: And yet I needed to be educated on loving others unconditionally the way that they would love me, and that there was no judgment behind their eyes. And it really let me feel that. And then when I recuperated and I couldn’t take the shot because I couldn’t get the vaccination, I had to come to my. You know, to Disney, and I had to come to the A. To the A. Rs and. And I had to come to them, and I had to tell them what I’d gone through. And with Jamie was the first one that I had to tell her, look, this is what I’ve survived. If you guys want me out of the film, I totally understand. By that time, I had already recorded with Lynn and recorded with them.
Adassa: But when they said, we want you all in the purple carpet at the premiere, I had to tell him. I’m like, I can’t get vaccinated right now. My doctors are recommending that I don’t. After that, I did get vaccinated, but I couldn’t. And. And she’s like, we’re going to figure it out. And so between Yvette Medino and Jamie Sparrow Roberts, they made it happen. So when you see me with my cheesy smile up there, like I had just won an award, it’s because I didn’t even know I was going to be alive for that premiere. So standing there with all my Castmates.
Adassa: It really made me feel like, what a blessing that I’ve survived so much and I’m here for this moment and it was just night and day, but surviving every day was like a test in faith for me because I thought I had faith before. But it’s easy to think you have faith when everything is good, when your trials are hard but not unsurmountable. But when you’re faced with something you can’t go over without the help of others and without the strength that only God can heal you with, that’s when you really notice that your value is not on anything else but just his love for you and your existence and your belief in Him. And so that really changed my life. So love has shown up in so many ways and we can be here all day because I have a list.
Stacy: Of books about it. Many, many examples.
Adassa: Your book.
Stacy: I have to say that I was a major fan of your husband by the end of the book. Is his name’s Gabrielle, right? Yes, yes. Just the, you know, it also inspired me in how I think about my relationship with my husband. Our 15 year wedding anniversary is coming up this summer. Yeah, it’s really cool and exciting. We’ve been together for 18 year, 18 and a half years. And I just, you know, I think in our culture it’s much more normalized to be annoyed with your partner or to, you know, like, not lift them up, but the way that you really champion each other. So clearly he champions you and you champion him. And the way that you wrote about him I just thought was so beautiful.
Stacy: So by the time I got done reading it, I was like, not only, you know, already a fan of yours, but now I’m a fan of his having read your book.
Adassa: Thank you. He is my everything. He is my best friend. I’m so grateful that we can spend eternity together and not just this time in my life because we’ve been together. Like you’re saying about how many years you’ve been with him. I’ve been together with him. We’re going to go on like 29 years, you know, and it’s nothing. It’s like it feels like a blink of an eye. So I can just thinking that we may only have 40 more summers, winters and falls. And I say 40 because he’s, he just had a birthday. He’s 61 now. And I’m like, no, baby, you’re making it to 100. He’s like, Honey, I’m like, hey, your dad is 90, so it’s okay. It’s a doable goal.
Adassa: You know, just thinking, if you think in terms of what life expectancy is now, like, 85, you know, 25 more summers, 25 more Christmases. That’s nothing. Are you kidding me right now? I want to celebrate Christmas every day with him because he’s just. He is everything. He’s loved me since I was no. 1, And he’s loved me when I had nothing, and he’s loved me when I couldn’t do anything. So he’s never loved me because of what I could do or how the fame or anything. He’s just loved me. And I think that the biggest proof was, you know, that moment that everything was gone. And he never, ever sees me as less. And so I champion him because he’s a special dude. He’s just an incredible husband and an amazing dad. So I just.
Adassa: I want everyone to know how wonderful he is and that he’s not perfect, because that was one thing that we did. Like, you guys read the story. When you read it, we tell the truth because. Because sometimes one of the things that are paralyzing for a person who’s on the track of trying to stay and be good is your past. And so your past can be the biggest anchor for you not sharing your testimony, not sharing your story, and for you to be afraid of what other people are going to think about you. And for a long time, I was in the Christian closet because I didn’t want to offend anyone with the things that I believe. I didn’t want anybody to feel like, oh, because she’s this. I. You know, she doesn’t approve of this or that.
Adassa: It’s like, no, like, you do you, Honey, I do me. This is what makes me happy. You want to live your life, you live yours. But, like, if you want to know who I am, this is a big part of who I am. And. And my faith is a humongous part of who I am. And so when I decided that were gonna write well, because Gabriel didn’t want me to write the book in the beginning, he’s like, oh, no, Our story is not one of those clean cut. And they got married, and they got, you know, like, it wasn’t like, no. And you read it, and he was going through a divorce, and I was a young mom, and we didn’t start on the right foot. No, we did not.
Adassa: But I’m like, why are we so afraid of our past if it makes us who we are in our future? To the contrary, I embrace the winding Roads. I embrace the not feeling like a great mom the whole time because I was focused on surviving. And sometimes when you’re focused on surviving, you don’t make the greatest decisions because you don’t have a lot of decisions from where to choose from. When you don’t have a team of people or an infrastructure or a family to rely on, it’s just you against the world. So you make different choices than when things are going great. And so I apologize to my kids, and I am not a perfect parent, but sometimes owning your crap is important. So it’s like, yeah, that was me. I farted back there. You’re welcome.
Stacy: I thought that, you know, one of the things I really appreciated. Appreciate about your book is that you did hold up some of those parts of your story. In fact, you had these kind of extra sections in between the chapters where you would, you know, hold up something that you maybe wasn’t so easy to work into the narrative, but you needed to address. And, you know, I just really appreciated that as a reader, because as a writer, it’s so easy to just share the highlights and not really go deep. But you, you not only went deep, but then you even pulled it out and held it up in really showing it fully.
Stacy: I would love to know a little bit about that process for you because, you know, up until writing this book, at least, my understanding of your creative work has been largely in the music space. Space, of course. You’re an artist. You have music out that we will absolutely be sure to link to in the show notes here for our viewers and listeners to go and experience, if they haven’t already. But now you’re writing a book, and writing a book is not playing a character. It is being fully you and fully exploring you and sharing you. And can you tell me a little bit about that process? Because coming into this new mode of creation and having to, you know, hold things up to the light and decide where you want to shine or shine that light.
Adassa: I didn’t start with a perfect plan, so I started with a feeling and a message. And I wanted to start being able to give you those, like, cliffhanger moments and then expand from there, like. Because one of the biggest things at writing a book is this is my first book that I’ve ever written. It taught me patience. It taught me patience with the truth. Like, I didn’t have to adhere to how many characters am I writing? What do I have to do? Like, what is the payoff? No, I’m like, what is it that I want to convey and really dig into that. I had to find my real voice. Sometimes we do the. Hi, how are you? Oh, I’m doing fine. That’s not your real voice. It’s like, no, man. I have six loads of laundry that I didn’t get to.
Adassa: There’s dirty dishes in my sink. How are you? So that is really. When you hear somebody telling you their truth, it’s a lot more like a. Wait, what? Because you’re so used to people faking their way, you know, smiling through the pain. It’s fine. I got blood in my shoe. But how are you doing? Great. I think I should go to the er. Yeah, right. You know, you don’t. And so writing made me face parts of myself that are scary, that are so vulnerable that you want to hide them in the closet because you don’t want anybody then using it against you. You don’t want people pointing things out. But at the same time, it’s like, if I don’t write about this, that I’m not being honest. And I was at a Comic Con once with Diane Guerrero, and. And she told me.
Adassa: I said, you know, you wrote your book about your life. Are there any regrets that you have or anything that you can recommend, like, do this or don’t do this. Like, what were the good? What were the bad? You know? And one of the greatest pieces of advice she gave me was, like, tell the whole truth. I wish I would have just dug deeper because I feel like there was things that I left unsaid. And, you know, that moment has passed, so just tell your whole truth. And so I think that might feel. When you’re reading that, there was like, wait, I have to say this, because I had to go back and be even more naked with my feelings. And one of those moments was talking about the time that I felt like I needed to end it all.
Adassa: And I tried committing suicide. And that moment came when the book was already finished. I had already had my draft approved, and my daughter was having a really hard time. And she came to me, and she says that sometimes things get so overwhelming that she just feels like it’s just too much. And then I sat with her, and I told her that I had that moment, and I told her about that moment. And I noticed I need to be real. This. I’m not including this in there. And I. If this helped my daughter, I don’t know if somebody else is going through that. And I explained. And in life, you get to those moments where things can become overwhelming, and it doesn’t have to do Necessarily with something huge.
Adassa: It just can be that life, Your friends, social media, the pressures of having to fill this perfection box that nobody’s put in front of you, but somehow you’re in it. You’re like, where is the door? I just. I’m in this thing where I have to be perfect and everything has to be good and everything has to be right, and I have to always smile and I have to make my mommy feel good. Like, that’s not real life. And when you feel like ending it all, that’s actually your cliffhanger moment. That’s the moment that if this was a book and people picked up your book, they’d be like, I wonder what happens? Let me turn the page. And sometimes we want to end it in the cliffhanger, when in reality, this is when you.
Adassa: The hero goes, and then he jumped off and slayed the dragon and ran through the. Oh, my goodness. This is your moment. So if you saw your life more like a spectator, then you need to take a step back and go, okay, this is my cliffhanger moment. How am I going to get out of this situation and make it look awesome? Make me look like the warrior that I know I am. Instead of saying, I can’t, I give up. Because when I went through that period in that moment in my life when I thought all the doors were closing, I literally played boys to men. End of the road. Although we’ve come to the end of the road, still, I can let you go. It’s so natural. I literally was playing as my background.
Adassa: I took a whole bunch of Tylenols, wrote letters to my family so they wouldn’t feel bad or that it was their fault. And I went to sleep, and I thought that was it. And when I woke up the next day, I was angry. I was angry because I felt like, dang it, I couldn’t even get that right. And to the contrary, now I look back, and I’m like, thank God I didn’t succeed. Look at what I would have missed out on. I would have missed out on the love of my life. I would have missed out on. On having children. I would have missed out on being a mom. I would have missed out on all of it. So I look back and I go, please hang in there. To anybody out there, hang in there. This is your cliffhanger moment.
Adassa: This is your moment of triumph. This is the moment the warrior wins. This is the moment you slay that dragon. This is the moment that you’ll look back on and go, wow, that was a miracle. And I’m grateful. Grateful to get through it.
Stacy: So beautifully said. I just have all the goosebumps from that story, and I know that touched who it needed today. The person that heard this, that really needed to hear that message. Let me ask you our last question, which is the question that I ask all of our listeners, and that is if you could recommend one book to listeners. So this is one that has profoundly impacted your life. What would it be and why?
Adassa: Oh, that’s a hard one. I would say the giver. That one changed me. That was a very big book that was really impactful for me. Another one that I’ve been reading, I literally have it here, propping up my computer. The Sunshine Mind. If you guys haven’t seen this one, okay. The Sunshine Mind. It’s by Tanya Rad and Raquel Stevens. 100 Days to finding the hope and joy you want. I love it because I take one a day and I just absorb it. But to me, it really depends on the day what I want to immerse myself into. I’m also. I also read a lot. There’s one book in particular that was written. I cannot remember the title, but she’s the one that designed the machines where the cows go through Temple Grandin. Yes. Her book is amazing. All my kids, amazing person.
Adassa: And by reading that book, I understood my children a lot more because my husband is dyslexic. Three of my children are dyslexic, and I homeschool them because they have a different way of learning. They analyze a lot deeper. So school. Sometimes it’s not going fast enough for the way that they. I got it. I analyzed it. Let’s move on. Like, so they would. My son especially, he would sometimes be very disruptive. So he goes at his pace, and we get to dive into concepts. And so that book helped me so much. So if you haven’t seen it, please go out, get that book from Temple Grandin because she explains what it. What worked for her and why she thought the way she thought and how her brain works and how the neurodivergent brain works. And so I don’t know. Neurodivergent? Neurodivergent.
Adassa: I don’t know the word exactly. But I’ve learned a lot through that book, and it’s helped me so much with my children, and it’s made me take a step back and stop freaking out that my kids are like everyone else, because they’re not. Like, my children are very artistic. They’re. They think on another level, and sometimes that’s what makes them a little. Like they talk over each other. Like, sometimes I’m like, okay, like one at a time. But it’s because of that. And so even hugging them, I learned how to hug them properly because after she expressed how she feels, like what true. What a true hug feels like. And sometimes it’s not necessarily comes from the hands. It’s like, it’s just the environment. I even understood how they need to let.
Adassa: I need to let them decorate their rooms the way that they feel. That is good. What. What hugs them? Are they candles? What colors are your colors? So that book helped me a lot. And there is another book that I read that is really just introspective. But I don’t know. There’s. There are many books. It just depends on my.
Stacy: Isn’t it?
Adassa: And then I. I would also have to say another book is the Book of Mormon. I have gotten so many answers by going down the Book of Mormon because it’s opened my. My understanding of a lot of things. And so I would have to say that’s one of the books that I do not put down. I read that every day.
Stacy: That’s a big part of your story. And. And your book, of course, is your. Is your spiritual journey. So I’m glad that you.
Adassa: Yeah. Because know what? Faith and family shape the pages of my story. And so when I wrote this book, I thought, you know, I don’t want to come across like a Christian artist, because I’m not a Christian artist. I’m a Christian who is an artist. But faith has a lot to do with my life. And it’s not necessarily my religion, it’s my faith. Like when I talk about the Book of Mormon, even if you’re not from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I’m saying it’s a good read. There’s some pretty cool stuff in there. Just saying if you want something that you go pick it up on time, it might shock, you might never read it again. But hey,.
Stacy: I love it. Adasa, thank you so much for being with me today. I loved our conversation and how real you are and just willing to share about your life. So thank you.
Adassa: Thank you so much. And for anyone out there that is trying to get around to writing your own story, I will say this. Writing your own story, your family story, your legacy story, it will change the way you see yourself. You will appreciate yourself a lot more. You will understand how far you’ve come. You will understand where you’re going, and you’ll give yourself a lot more grace. So please do take a chance on yourselves, even if it’s just for you, even if you leave it as a legacy for your children and your grandchildren. Children or your spouse or your neighbor. Take a chance on you, understand you, and you’ll love yourself a lot more for it.
Stacy: I love that perfectly aligns with how I see writing as well. So thank you, Adasa. And thank you to you, our listener, our viewer, for being with us. I know that this. This episode touched many lives today, so I hope that you’ll be thinking about this as you go about your day. Thank you as always to Domingues for her production of this podcast and my YouTube. I would not be able to get it out to you without her and I am so grateful. And I will be back with you before you know it.
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